so, i totally blew it tonight.  After this last entry, i went to visit some friends and found David (309) in their.  was he hitting on these girls?  Just talking?  regardless, i am dumb and got jealous cause i am petty and naive.  I left to join BAP, where Beth was awesome and cooked me some Ragu and burned me a CD!!!!!

After this is was Melissa time, where i listened to my fav artist aimee mann and talked about my old friend Pauline whose wedding i will attend in march.  Also, doug came up in conversation and got me kind of down.

My room was the winding down point where there was online BAP chat.  Patrick and i talked my need of a cuddling male friend which i felt dumb for getting into.  it’s complicated with him, cause he is important to me and a good friend and sometimes i feel like i need more but i don’t in reality.  it’s weird.

This convo led to an explanation to Beth of the outcome, and she got upset over something said.  It was all my fault and now i feel like a babbling piece of shit because she feels horrible.  The most stunning, intelligent, caring, dance-tastic girl i know is miserable cause of me.  I will have to solve all this soon.

on top of all this i have a new theory that david is mad at me for some previous words i sent him, but i am unsure.  Anyhow, i love Beth and i love patrick, but times like tonight i am a real jerk to both of them and i feel like a lame friend. 


Last night played out with a really long time in the computer lab, recreating a copy of the book i am currently writing.  This event led me to think a lot of Doug (my first love).  He is most likely in Iraq and not aloud to send out e-mails. This would explain why he hasn’t sent me anything in 2 months.  It’s nerve wrecking.

I spent a lot of time afterwards reading parts of my book to be nostalgic.  Later that night there was a BAP meeting which rocked.  We all chilled peacefully till Beth left insisting she had homework.  Patrick stuck around and kept me up till 5:00 in the morning, talking to me about random whoas in my room.  It was fun.

So after a phenominal night of sleep where I had a terrifying dream and undisclosed dream, I was awaken by Beth at 12:47pm in order to eat lunch.  After quickly getting ready we went, we ate, we talked and not a lot happened.

I returned to my room to read some, then i stopped cause Beth distracted me.  It was a needed break.  i tried to find David during this excursion so i could feel appeased, but he was in the shower and i didn’t want to go looking in there for him (or i would get killed.) 

Aside from that i spent my day doing lots of downloading of 80’s music and watching Beth dance.  She is a real trooper.

At this point though, i have to add that today is my good friend Sam’s birthday.  Who is Sam you may ask?  Sam is my on again off again crush.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!!!!!

i am sorry, but i will have to type more later tonight, there is currently a really dumb argument in my room about who is the best NBA player ever. Lame.  At least one of the guys in here is cute though.  It’s definately not my lard-tastic roommate or my loud neighbor Bodie, so that means it’s my funny neigbor Marquis.  woohoo.

1. David (309) 2. Sam 3. Patrick 4. Marquis.   Boys suck!!!!!

So things went normal today with a few interesting highlights.  I got my ass out of bed at a normal hour and trekked over to my memoir class where I got in trouble for passing notes.  I am totally fourth grade.  After that i went to visit the teacher of the class to talk with her about my most recent paper.

Now normally I wouldn’t give three dead sea monkeys for a Prof.’s opinion on my writing, but Jill Christman is the Christ of writing (hence her last name I believe, coincidence, I think not).  She has been through so much more then I can imagine and her metaphors are tastier then a jello fruit cup.  She inspired me to keep up my good work, and I also sent her a copy of my 200 page memoir I currently am writing, we’ll see what she thinks.

Lunch was average as I joined Melanie and Gross Jim.  They crack me up, Melanie being totally random and off the wall and Jim being simply gross.  After this encounter I put off studying for Spanish class and instead downloaded some new music (golden girls theme, the original). 

Spanish provided a blur and I didn’t know what the hell was going on aside from my teachers insistent nudging that i write a paper for next week,  hopefully he accepts things from cause I would never do real work for such a trivial class.  I mean honestly, if someone wants to talk to me, they can learn my language.

After that was a nap, where I had a really odd dream about 309 (his real name is David).  I had a dream that he wanted to hire me for the next year to be his personal assitant since I am so into him anyway.  He figured I would keep up to date on his social life and be able to schedule things for him.  I gladly accepted, where we moved to London for David’s schooling and then I killed this ugly british bitch he was trying to date.  He then realized she had had bad teeth anyhow and thanked me.

I woke from this dream and rushed to song writing class.  On my way (and this part is for Beth) I saw our friend Dave (not 309) walking home.  I went to say hello and out of my mouth came “hey what up Ho….uhm….Dave”.  Now see, Beth calls him Hot Dave, and I usually do too, but I thought I would spare the kid a public homoerotic encounter and not call him “Hot Dave” amongst the crowd.  He chuckled and said hey and that was that.  Got to class, where I heard some kick ass guitar work.  I was jealous of this ability and am now requesting anyone to teach me how to play.  I have all these great songs written with no accompanying music.  It’s almost repulsive but my artisitc lyrics make me feel like a better person.

Upon returning from class there was a brief BAP meeting where Bethachi stressed about homework, Patachi looked hot in a soccer jersey and I simply donated my usual sarcastic comments as i tried to lend my expertise to Bethachi. Then there was a fleeting run in with the fat-tastic fuck face I live with.  I wish he would die.  I want to vomit on him repeatedly until he chokes on it and stops breathing, then I will throw his body into a cage of rabid hamsters and watch as they eat him.  He fucking sucks.

Dinner was a frolic of fun as Patachi and I went to the buffet, only to have a suprise guest apperance by the divine Lisa (309’s ex-girlfriend) and 309 himself.  David in all his glory wore a black polo shirt, just tight enough to look sexy.  Sadly, he said nothing to me through out the meals duration.  This has been the first shared moment we have had in what seems to be about a week, so I accepted it as good enough. 

That’s about it for now, cause I am sitting here typing, burping up Buffet Fish, mmmm.  One more thing though, the quote of the day goes to Patachi who said: “Did you just say gravy, gravy?” 

Well, it seems to be the latest rage, so here goes my attempt to be all Xanga style.  What is Xanga anyway?  It sounds like some annyoing asian girl who rides her bike to slowly down the sidewalk causing me to be late for class.  As you can see from the sites title, I love Shetland Ponies.  For those of you to naive to understand what this is, a Shetland Pont is a minature horse.  You know you want one!!!  Part two of my title is Apple Juice, and what’s not love to there.  Vitamins, Minerals and my oh my it’s delicious.  Now 309, that takes more explaining.

Denoted for his room number in the fantastically bland Brayton/Clevenger hall on Ball State’s capmus, David Greenwalt is my current obsession.  This guy is spectacular, and I have a feeling he will own most of my Xanga entries. 

Today was a typical day in my life.  I didn’t have class and my homework was on moron level, so it took a span of 8 minutes to do.  I slept a lot today, which is always a plus.  I also spent some good quality BAP time.  BAP is an acronym for Beth, Adam and Pat.  These characters both live in B/C and are me closest of friends.  We spend lots of time together.

After my BAP time, i spent about an hour singing at the top of my lungs in my room, and writing a song.  It was a depressing piece, but what can I say.  David wasn’t around at all, which made me upset, but i thought I would share the piece here:

 Nobody knows what it’s like to be me when I have to watch you walk away

Nobody cares about the song that I sing when my heart breaks for you everyday

But can you feel my tears roll down?  Can you hear the lonely sound?

Nobody needs to feel such a pain but I roll my dice and I keep playing the game

I want you to understand what’s on my mind,

And why I chase someone who’ll never be mine.


Someone who’ll hold me when ever I cry or stare oh so deeply right into my eyes

Someone that listens when I sing my song, who agrees with me even when I am wrong

But you’re not that someone I know, but I still love you and you know

Somebody can fall forever in love with somebody who doesn’t even give a fuck

I need you to understand what’s on my mind

And why I chase someone who’ll never be mine


Everyone sees that I’m fighting for dreams whenever I plan out one of my schemes

Everyone makes me feel jealous and jade whenever you’re with them and off of my page

But they just do not understand that you’re all I want holding my hand

Everyone thinks I am stupid and lost when I accept loneliness as my own cost

I wish that you’d understand what’s on my mind

And why I chase someone who’ll never be mine


I can remember when I first saw you and how I got lost in your eyes crystal blue

I know when you smile I smile inside and I feel adventure when we spend time

But even the bad things are brilliant to me; you’re lost addictions and need to feel free

I understand how I could cause some fear from my admiration towards thing I endear

I ask do you to understand what’s on my mind

And why I chase someone who’ll never be mine

It’s cause I’m in love it’s simple and clear

But all I can do is feel lonely with tears


Well, i think that’s all i feel like sharing right now, if you’re that intrigues then check out my website, the link is provided to your left.