so, i totally blew it tonight.  After this last entry, i went to visit some friends and found David (309) in their.  was he hitting on these girls?  Just talking?  regardless, i am dumb and got jealous cause i am petty and naive.  I left to join BAP, where Beth was awesome and cooked me some Ragu and burned me a CD!!!!!

After this is was Melissa time, where i listened to my fav artist aimee mann and talked about my old friend Pauline whose wedding i will attend in march.  Also, doug came up in conversation and got me kind of down.

My room was the winding down point where there was online BAP chat.  Patrick and i talked my need of a cuddling male friend which i felt dumb for getting into.  it’s complicated with him, cause he is important to me and a good friend and sometimes i feel like i need more but i don’t in reality.  it’s weird.

This convo led to an explanation to Beth of the outcome, and she got upset over something said.  It was all my fault and now i feel like a babbling piece of shit because she feels horrible.  The most stunning, intelligent, caring, dance-tastic girl i know is miserable cause of me.  I will have to solve all this soon.

on top of all this i have a new theory that david is mad at me for some previous words i sent him, but i am unsure.  Anyhow, i love Beth and i love patrick, but times like tonight i am a real jerk to both of them and i feel like a lame friend. 


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