And it’s not like I try to feel lonely and depressed, it just happens sometimes.  Sunday night was totally long as I was awake until 7:00am.  My friends needed me, and I needed them.  Patrick and I discussed relationships, and while I have a lot of respect for the guy, sometimes I just want to slap him.  I mean really, he misses the obvious a lot.  I always find it interesting that people talk to me about relationships considering I have never been in one.  Anyway, Patrick vented, then I wanted to vent some, so I asked him if David (309) had ever said anything at all about me.  The best Patrick had for me was that David had once asked about my songs, saying that he didn’t know what to think of them.  Weak.  Patrick tried to encourage me by getting philosophical, but he wasn’t very good at making me feel better.


Beth did her best to cheer me up, and her efforts seemed to work for a bit.  I don’t think anyone could make me feel better when it comes to David though, except for Doug, but he is in Iraq, the dumb fuck.  Anyhow, Beth talked about me finding someone eventually and I joked about dying, woohoo.


After finally sleeping, I got up at 2:20 and ate lunch with Beth.  We saw Beth’s crush Hot Dave then ten seconds later we saw David (309).  It was BAP bliss.  David wore a blue and orange sweater which was very stunning on him.  I am weak. After this i went upstaris and did my homework.  Spanish and Memoir stuff.  I also wrote a totally awesome song, that’s two in a row.  Really, you should look at it.  It’s found at http://www.thestarlitecafe.com/poems/68/poem_8233311270.html.  Check out my other stuff too if you want.  Anyway, it’s obviously inspired by David.


I guess I am so down on David because I have lost all my other crushes recently.  Doug can’t respond to me over e-mail, probably some army thing, Sam totally lost all hope this weekend when he showed his BIB, gross!!!!   ask if you really wanna know what that is.  Then the kid proceeds to get mad at me for not playing den mother to his drunk ass, like it’s my job.  Screw that.  My other crushes just became trivial, as i became too smart for one of the, and the other is just not big enough to care about (the crush isn’t big enough,not him).


Anyway, the evening struck and there was a BAP dinner which was joined by David (YES!!!), his ex Lisa, and Brian Wilson.  I didn’t say anything to David, or vice versa, and this non-exchange made me even more depressed.  Why can’t I even become friends with this guy?  It hurts me, and it’s just odd.  I am worrying too much about it, but that’s how I am.  I left dinner and chilled on my own almost all night, taking breaks to visit Patrick and my friends Squaler and Sko.  This solitude was illed with Beth sleeping on my bed (it was funny) and depressing music.  I love depressing music.  I cried a bit while my roommate vanished and Beth slept, then I dried my eyes and tried to convince myself that things would be cool.  Then I saw David go upstaris with my friend Stacey, and this started the tears again.


To explain, Stacey and were really close for a while and she began to flirt with David, but she said she didn’t like him like that.  Eventually I told her it bothered me and she didn’t quit and i got jealous and mad and she got mad and we fought a lot.  Not all because of David, but I am sure he was a part of it.  Anyway, too see David go upstairs (and i don’t even know if he went to her room, he may have gone to Lisa’s) just upset me. 


More crying, more toughening up.  I looked online for some encouragment, but it seems all the online advice columns I write to say the same thing “you’re only making it harder on yourself in the long run” which does me no good.  I seriously wonder if I have some disorder.  It’s probably from lack of physical love.  seriously, i have only kissed 4 guys and the last one was when this creepy German guy tried to molest me.  Gross.  Before that it was two drunk incidences, neither desireable or enjoyed and Doug, my first kiss.  Needless to say, I am a loser.  All I want is a boy to cuddle with, why can I not find this?   Lame!!  Maybe if I ask really nice David would make himself available to me for cuddling in a totally heterosexual way.  I doubt it.  Anyway, that was my depressing David Day. 


On a quick sidenote though, to all those who support the movie “old School”, you suck ass.  They are cruel to Shetlands in that movie, so it is banned forever.  I HATE OLD SCHOOL AND CAN’T BELIEVE WILL FERREL ASSOCIATED HIMSELF WITH SUCH OBVIOUS SATANIC RITUALS AS HARASSING SHETLANDS, THE MOST ADORABLE PEACEFUL CREATURES ON THE EARTH!!! DIE OLD SCHOOL, DIE!!!!!!


Now that I have that out of my system, I wanna shout out to Brent, I hear he is a fan on the Xanga.  What up Brent!!  (for those of you who don’t know him, he’s a friend I met on New Years eve).

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