So, Since you have all been deprived of the heroine that is my Xanga i am here to provide you with some smack, jiggy, horse, blow, fix, powder, grass, or whatever is you want it to be (including Shetland Pony pictures) to sooth your crave. Here goes:


I’ll begin with the weeks end, the one right for before break.  It was totally whomp as I felt a strain inside over David.  He has recently become the Brayton/Clevenger Hall Enviromental chair, uncharacteristically.  It was prompted by my friends Squaler and Aubs, and while I know they weren’t try to “get up on that” I still teased me in a way.  I guess it was petty jealousy or something.  He hates me, i know it. I just feel like a connection with him is forever impossible, as if lots of fat people are playing Red Rover and creating a chain between that forever seperates us.  Most likely they all have mullets too.  The thought makes me want to weep blood.  Wednesday was a lot of brooding over David as well as a little drinking to make me feel better.  I was slightly drunk, not over the top. 


Thursday was a total blast, as classes flew by and the night life was concieved.  Skopelja and I chilled at an open mic night on campus and heard a grooving song about a “dead fetus on top of your top”  it rocked.  I left that scene and went to a gathering with a one Robin E.  THis meeting included an odd twist of events as i was busted for the third time this year with alcohol.  The procedures went oddly and the schemes to pull it off have slowly become more evident.  I have decided as of this very writing that I am no longer going to speak to the people involved in the sketchiness unless it is absolutely necessary or i forget about this vow.


This sad set of events was later blocked out of my mind by a trip to Steak N Shake with a huge group.  At this gathering, I got to smoke pot, which was fun, and the evening was made a pure riot when my totally eccentric and off the wall but outragously groovy friend Dan accidentally came out of this closet.  He did it by saying he was attracted to Patrick basically, which made it all the more hillarious.  Patrick was oblivious.  When he finally was privy to what occured he seemed a bit grossed out or freaked, which slightly bothered me.  This bewildering twitch of feeling was enhanced by a comment he made about seeing two guys make out in a gay bar and it being really odd.  Like, what if i made out with a guy in front of him?  I guess the phobia is never far away, no matter what.  I know Patrick is cool with it, but it still shakes a small part of me.


Friday was leaving day where i headed home with Patrick and we drove by a Shetland Pony farm!!  This excitement made my day and had to be included in this galla tale of my Spring Break.  But now, onto Florida…..


All i have to say is DOLPHINS SUCK ASS!!!!  It started by a random invite, and I proceeded to look for fundings via the parental units.  I was told to look in a secret hiding place in my house, under a dresser in the basement that i would need a car jack to lift.  I looked there and sure enough there was a manilla envelope with thousands of dollars.  my family is in the mafia i think, really.  I hope i get my first tommy gun soon!!!


Anyway, after fundings, the long car ride began and it was a balst.  My friend Megan and I got all nostalgic about High School and chilled.  I was thrilled.  The drive was long, and i slept a lot.  Upon arrival though, i got a wake up call.  The plan was to stay with an old friend of ours who is a cumpolsive liar.  I hate her, and she is so dirty that butter secreets out of her teeth.  Yuck.  I went for the free trip to Florida.  We get there and learn her recent husband is jail for drugs and violence, thought i think she was holding back on the real reasons for his incarciration.  He sucks.  We were taken to a trailer with a swamp out back.  Then i was slobered on by this dog that had dred locks.  Apparently it was the husbands job to brush cheyenne or chef or chichi or whatever the scary dogs name was because it hadn’t been done lately. 


We escaped the terror of the trailer to go to the beach which was cool except it’s overwhelming Dolphin cameos everywhere.  i never want to see a dolphin again, i wanted to squeeze them all till they dried out like raisins and died.  I HATE DOLPHINS!!!  I slept on the beach for half the night then was taken to the trailer for more rest.  i was sary, double wide or not.  The exterior was fake wood paneling, enough said. 


The next day we escaped Florida thank god, but not before seeing a woman steal used cigarette butts from an outdoor ash tray or before being attacked by vampires (both carrying 6-pack coolers most likely filled with livers or hearts) in Louisville Kentucky.


The week came and i relaxed at home with movies and my chilling with my little sister.  Each night seemed to have a different theme.  The beginning was all about David.  I walked around outside one night from 3:00 till 5:30 listening to Carpenters.  He was inspiring the next great depression (at least in my head).  Why can i not connect with him, and i mean that in a comrade like way, not love or anything.  I hate it.  Why am i stuck on this guy?  Probably his diamond blue eyes that i constantly drown in or hypnotizing smile that could make me melt like an icecream sandwhich in a microwave.  Too bad he is a drug fiend and a boozer to the max, but these weaknesses just seem to make him all the more desireable cause it makes him human not god-like.  I like him a lot.


The next day, David was put out of my mind when i discovered my senior video in my junk drawer at home.  I popped it in to find it was prepped up to a scene where Doug gives a quote.  i was watching Doug, my first and last love.  Why am i kept away from him when we fit together like a two piece jig-saw puzzle.  He is so smart and funny and talented and he can contain my need for sporatic adventure.  I love the guy and would die for him in a heart beat.  he better come for me when he comes home from the army (even though i have recently learned he won’t be home anytime soon thanks the lame war).  I walked again that night, though only for an hour or so and listened to Journy and Aimee Mann and Phil Collins (two of those are Doug’s favorites).


My next hang up was none other then the adorable Ethan Embry!!  He is a movie star and i want to have his babies.  PLEASE ETHAN!!!  I love the guy.  i even read an interview where he doesn’t mind kissing guys or being romantic with them (even though he is married and has a kid).  He is 24 and lives in CA.  I will meet him, i make my vow right now.  I will make out with Ethan Embry.  I like him more than 309.  (or atleast i conviced myself for 3 days i did, and i infact i swore off David for these days and was over my 309 obsession for a totally of 72 hours.  I am good.  It came back though when i was packing to return to school, I ran across a song i wrote about David and Blam, i was attracted again.  Lame!!!  I’d rather be atacked by a rabid peacock.


My Break had a lack of BAP which took it’s toll on me, and i relied on friends from home for chatting.  My pal Barb entertained me for lunch one day (friday) and got me all nostalgic about my theatre days.  I wish i was still doing that stuff, though i am not.  Her departure left me craving a pal to chat with and i wished i had Beth around.  I need her like oxygen, she is a treasure to me and I would vanquish into dust without her.  Patrick was even more absent over break (for I at least had one phone convo with Beth) and i needed that Patachi goofyness and charm to make me smile.  I was lacking in common sense and decided that Roller Blading would clear my mind, but i instead wound up standing naked in my living room (long story that has to do with dancing, be showy and theatre like while listening to Bette Davis Eyes) {and on a side note i just accidentally typed David instead of Davis but i corrected it}.  


The week finally passed, and after a dreadful round of going to church i was reunited with Ball State and my whole posse.  I was thrilled to be with BAP again, and the enrgy was at a max.  I love my crew, they are all that keeps me sane these days.  Without them i would be a shapeless Jello Jiggler (most likely a vodka one) lying on the floor in a heap of sorrow.  I LOVE BAP!!!!!


I can’t wait to see everyone again, and while i have lots on my mind like David, my odd write up, my english paper due and Kiki’s new VD she got at the nude beach (kiki is my stuffed horse), i am keeping busy.  Fortunately, that busy is from listening to show tunes and being extra energetic and showy and fun.  i love me.


That’s all for now, more to come soon, sorry for typos, i am lazy and don’t feel like checking for them.  I LOVE ETHAN EMBRY MORE THEN 309!!!!

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