So i am gonna have to just take the rest of the year one day at a time. This whole move to a new place has really made me think about a lot of things, both good and bad. Lets get right down into the thick of it.
For starters there is the obvious loneliness. I mean, i went from a social mecca to a house the has basically jus tme in it at most the times. I mam so used to having my friends right there that it’s a hard adjustment for me to just accept that they aren’t in the room next door. I miss them so much, just seeing them in the hall or being able to drop by there room and give a shout out. I hate not being there for them, and I feel like i won’t be there for them if i am so far away from them.
Second is the realization of what happened. I was just thrown out of my home of 3 years by a man who hardly knows me. A woman who claimed to liek me supported this crap. A friend who i thought was a good one seemed to be playing the field on both sides, supporting me leaving and staying. I was banned for crying outloud. It sucks, my friends are sealed up inside that huge vault that is B/C and i no longer have the combination. it makes me upset. not to mention i don’t know the duration of the ban.
Third is how cool i am. I had doubts toniht while talking about my uncles who sucks, and how i paralell him on some levels, but when you get right down to it, i am pretty cool kid, not to be vain, but i take care of business and know who my friends are. That means something, esspecially when you an pull total strangers into agreeing that you are a good person, this shows some sort of admiration from all.
You may wonder what the real prompt of this all is, why i am dwelling on being erased from B/C. The reason is that i have lost so many things i never realized i had. I lost friends, i lost my convient trips to class, i lost my comfort, i lost a sock in the move. It was endless.
Now, i’d also like to add that when you are pulled away from some things you realize how much they mean to you, and sometimes the truth bites you int he ass and you have to fess up to what you are feeling inside. I know this makes little sense, but i can’t spill it all cause of who reads this shit. let’s just say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also wake the heart and force you to realize that you had what you wanted the whole time.
Peace out Xanga-ites!!!