And once again, i have returned to the therapy of the gods known as Xanga.  it seems at times when I should hav eth eleast to say, my mind is over flowing with snippets of pain.

Let’s go through it from friday night, shall we. It seemed like nothing much was goign to go down.  Beth was planning on going out with region friends, and the old gang was gonna party it up.  They eneded up coming here for the pre-party, then most of them left to go to the real parties.  Fortunately, Patricka nd Melissa stayed behind to chill, which meant a lot to me.  Like, they would rather chill with me then go get drunk with a lot of strangers.

The hanging out was swell, and much needed.  It included fun with cat’s and electrospheres, as well as discussions about pork.  woohoo.  then they left, i xanga’d, and then set forth a development that i have been debating on doing for a while.  I told Beth some stuff that I had been keeping inside, then i told her we would talk about it later.  This snippit was slightly referred to on my last entry, but coverd in vaguness.  ANYHOW, the plan went nicely, as i wanted to blurt and run. 

The next day, i left the scene of Ball State to go to Pauline’s wedding.  It was beautiful.  I felt so happy for P, as one of my few friends that i have held onto form my past.  It’s a mysterious place, oh yes it is.  No one really knows what i was like last year or the year before.  I could be censoring like shit.  This will come back in a second to being the focus.  ANYHOW, the reception came and Mike Kelsey sat at out table.  Now Mike was an RA last year in my dorm, and he is drop dead gorgeous.  Tan, crystal eyes, short brown hair, beefy (like muscle and a little extra to hold on to).  He is supposedly a huge jerk, but i can’t attest.  Anyhow, i wanted him al night, but of course he isn’t available to me.  Straight as a ruler.  The night continued with people from my past as Josh Brammer was also at the recption.  he was my RA freshman year, and i was totally in love him for a long time.  This came to an end when he refused to go see a musical with me cause he thought people would call it a date.  Jerk.  Hot, sweet, goofy, intellectual, jerk.  Joe McGowan was also there, and he seemed very out of place.  We were all talking about drinking whilehe talked about nothing cool.  loser.

Anyhow, we stayed a bit, drank a bit, left, went to aubs’s sister’s, smoked a bit, left, got pizza, ate a bit and slept.  After that it was home and dinner with the BAPS.  This dinner brought forth chaos.

Bethachi and Patachi argued like always and i laughed.  we started talking about xanga’s, and this is where the censor stuff comes in.  beth was saying she censors her xanga’s for a reason, i said mine aren’t very censored.  few times they are.  Then Patrick made a comment about how i can’t censor cause he has read my past in my “book” that i wrote.  The funny thing is, he never read it aside from this year, so he doesn’t really know as much as he would like to think.  they probably don’t even know who Matt Hart is, or Charlie for that matter.  Funny in a way how people so close can not know a whole year of my life.  My personal thougt is that censorship is dumb.  I have few secrets from them and i would liek to think the same in return, but i have my doubts.  For example, the other day i was awoken to them whispering in Beth’s room while i slept on the futon.  it was interesting to hear what they were saying while i wasn’t listening.  Needless to say, my eathsdropping skills were poor that day do to my just waking up, my deaf ear and the whispering.  I had to piece stuff together, about Truitt, about their relationship and about “someone who better not turn out to be gay”, lol.  i guess i am just nosey, but i am curious as to what they talk to each other about when i am not around.  I feel left out, even though it is probably stuff that isn’t my business.  Secrets are cool only if you know them.

Nothing new happened with my drop of news that i left prior to the wedding, i was glad.  I also talked to my friend Drew a bit when i got home from dinner.  I met him through Patrick, and i liked him at first, but he seemed uninterested.  Then we stopped talking for a long while, and recently we have been talking again.  And with that, i am currently talking to Patachi, giving him my take on things.  I am biased i think though, big suprise.  Well, i am done for now. I have covered all the bases except 309.  What can i say though aside from the fact that i will never truely be over him, just like everyone else.  Shetlands rock, go drink some apple juice, and then, go tell 309 he should hook up with me…..Peace Out Antelopes.


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