So i never though that an AIM chat room would have the power to make me need to Xanga, but i was ultimately wrong. It started as a joke, I invited my whole social circle into one chat and it blew up in my face leaving me pondering so many different issues that i wanted to barf all over my keyboard.
For starters, i looked down my list at who i wanted to invite. i didn’t want to invite everyone. this realization in itself said something to me. Later, I was called cliquey by Chelsea because i made a comment about BAp only time. It was rude i admit, but i just wanted to have solo BAP time. Anyway, this concept of blocking people from stuff arose and made me think a lot.
my second rant was inspired by a one Hot Dave. I made some comments to him, joking comments with sexual nature, and people flipped out. I hardly was thrilled. Something inside me screamed and died i think. I mean, i watch straight sex all teh time int he media, i see straight couples everyday, but if straight people see a gay couple it’s a big deal. Ugh, go choke on a spork straight people!!! that’s what i felt like when it all went down.
Thrid was my questioning about Cody, Dave’s roommate. Why was i questioning this? I don’t know him. It’s proxemity, and that bothers me, like i would settle cause he is close by. Ridiculous. I hate me.
4th is sayign that i could have sex with a girl. I think i could at least, and if it was a friend i think it would be more comfortable. I could be me more easily and not be paranoid. This concept made me whince in fear, cause i don’t want to have sex with a girl, but the notion was out there cause of my words.
5th is Beth. I miss her so much and feel like i am not there for her. She says it makes her stronger to go through stuff alone, but that’s just hog wash. I really wish she would let me in, i just want to be her leaning post when her legs are weary. I LOVE BETHACHI!!!
6th is David. I made a comment about Shetlands, apple juice, and 309 of course, and he said “oh god” or something and left the chat. BARF!! I was enraged, why do i get so easily dismaye dby his pointless words? I don’t get it. David’s words are nothing more then anyone elses, yet they stab me like hot knives so easily.
i think that’s it really, short rant, but highy necessary. In short, Straights, David, and my lonliness drive me crazy. I miss Beth, and now Kyle Truitt probably thinks i am crazy and i am probably just pushing hot dave into homophobia. One day i will be cool.