SO last night was a little more dramatic then it should have been, but what can I say, I was misunderstood by most everyone and pissed off at myself. It all began innocently as I accompanied the gret and powerful Melissa Skopelja to out friends Geoff and Dan’s room. It was fun, and we watched a good movie called Billie Elliot. Upon thsi visit though, I realized that Geoff reminds of Doug, a lot. Now don’t jump the gun and think I am all about Geoff, cause I really am not. I accepted he was straight when I first met him, and for some reason I developed immediate respect and wanted to keep him out of my love life. So while I do think he shares a lot in common with Doug, I don’t see him as a Doug substitute.
Now, after this extravaganza, I danced my way home, falling once on the stairs in my house and hitting my head on the low ceiling. Upon returning I spoke with the generally chill Aubrie, but things soon got odd as we bagan speaking of David. We both like him a lot (I SAW HIM FIRST). We were discussing doing a gang bang on him, but I decided he would hate it if I was involved due to my lack of boobs and a vagina. At this point it wne tbad.
Aubrie said something like, “I don’t know about that”. And the stupid loser inside me took over. Why did she say that? Does she know something? Could it be? no, she was just drunk, but I was already in a frenzy. Anyway, she left throwing up an away message stating “Well David, he is ugh….well…he is….ugh…”. I don’t get it. I figured out that she was debating an orientation when I looked at David’s away message that said “I am not gay”.
Anyway, the two of them went out to bars together, and I think learning this concept just made my head boil in jealousy. I hate when my friends like the guys I like. I have no sense of trust I guess, and I easily see the competitor as an enemy. I also see her as my totally awesome pal. I hate the confliction, so I left for walk, writing the little ditty that I posted last night.
Anyhow, I returned to find my friends were worried about me, thinking I was distraught about David, when in truth I was more mad at myself for being jealous of Aubrie. I do love David, but there’s just nothing I can do about it. He is just someone that I see myself with. I’ve explained it why too many times, so I don’t want to get into it again (see a previous entry, it’s all about the why of 309).
I guess it all comes down to my just wanting to be able to chill out when little things happen. I can’t though, and when it has to do with David, I am all business and no games. And while I can’t stop loving David just like that, I can try and become a reasonable person (even if that reasonable person is working on a plan for the end of the year, any ideas?)
Also, on a side note, there is someone who reads this Xanga who I want to analyze. You know who you are, and I refuse to think my gaydar is lying about you. Talk to me kid!!
Anyway, that’s all for now, time to go brush my shetland and feed her some apple juice while gossiping about that special hot guy, oh yeah, David Greenwalt, from 309