So, i recently read my friend Aubrie’s xanga site “ledswife”, and was really upset/annoyed/confused.compelled by it.  Now I am not really anything right now as far as religion goes, cause I don’t feel I have found anything, but i hate when people talk about religion so one sidedly.  I was further disturbed that in the post i read by Ledswife that there was no comment area, so here are my comments…. (they are the parts in bold)


My friends and I had an intense conversation about religion the other day. Every time the conversation begins I think to myself “We have no right to be discussing this” just for the pure reason of ignorance. (so religion should just be accepted and not looked into at all unless you’re a scholar?) In order to truely discuss religion with some kind of coherent ability one would have to be extremely well known in many religions and languages. A perfect example is when one of my friends said the bible was first written in Latin….(Jacob actually said the english version was translated directly from Latin, which is true, now the Latin may have come from the Hebrew version) now when he said this, my immediate thought in my head was “No it was not written in Latin” however I found myself keeping my mouth shut- because although I knew it was not first written in Latin, I could not for the life of me think of what it was written in. It dawned on me though- and a “duh” must follow this…Hebrew. I always tell people never to get into the argument of the bible and God with me- because this topic is written in stone for me-(already showing ignorance for not caring what anyone else has to say) and nothing will ever budge my beliefs. I do get excited and want to interrupt people- but as one friend said I do not listen. Which is a lie.(yet you weren’t listening cause you’ve already confused what Jacob and I said) See people think that to “listen” you have to comprehend and possibly understand. Maybe for class. (no, we just want you to not tell us we are for sure wrong, cause we didn’t tell you that) As far as religion goes though- I do not understand nor comprehend anything that anyone says “God does not exsist” or “The Bible is a lie” (which were never exact words in our discussion) but that does not even click with me- instead my brains says “If only…” (if only what?) People argue that Christians push their faith on to people. Which I believe is a good thing if you do it in a correct matter when people are ready to hear it. Christians love everyone and it kills us to think of anyone perishing in hell (do you realize how arrogant that is), which is the main reason we thrust our beliefs on people. However many people disregard what we have to say. (I hardly say anything- because I do not have the intelligence to back it up with what everyone wants- proof. No one believes in faith anymore like I do.) If they do not listen to us though- eventually I believe that God gets a hold of us- whenever He believes is the correct time. He’ll let everyone know that he is the ONLY God and that yes, you should follow His ways. Out of MY experience- I do not know any elderly who despise or are against Christ. (it’s also true that a alot of elderly are racist cause they were raised in a time when slavery was considered alright and prejudice was common practice) In fact all the elderly people I know are Christians and believe that Jesus Christ is our savior. (all the elderly you know are probably american too, which leaves, uhm, a giant portion of the world unaccoutned for) Which goes to show- that eventually He does come around. (because a majority says so it is true? most teens would say Brittney Spears has talent too!) See…God is all knowing and all powerful. Since Adam and Eve stepped foot on this world He had a plan. God knows what every living soul is doing, what they are about to do, and what they will do in the future. God realizes that maybe Joe Bob can’t find the truth about Christ until he is 32…because at 31 and eleven months if Joe Bob finds Christ then the plan will mess up Ginger, Courtney, Chris…and on down the line. (Now does God know every miniscle detail- like that I will pick my nose in two seconds, probably not. But I dont know.) Everyone here has a place a reason- and God has it all mapped out for us. God knew that we would turn this world upside down with sin and hate. (then why did he create it? to implode on itself? to watch those he KNEW would fail suffer in hell?) God also knows the perfect time to come back to earth. Especially if you realize this and give your whole life- love, mariage, career, living, financial- if you give all of your life to God, He will show you a wonderful bliss life. One more thought. Many people believe that being a good person is all that really matters. If you treat others nicely, etc. than you belong in heaven. This notion is complete idiocracy. The meanest, rudest, killer has more of a chance of getting into heaven if he believes that Jesus is our savior, and that he forgives our sins rather than the nice person. Being nice is just a trait we are supposed to follow in His way. (Not to mention it makes the world an easier place to live in if were nice) Being nice is not a free ticket to enternity in heaven. And believe me- eternity is one heck of a long time. (this last part was just plain rude)
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My friends and I had an intense conversation about religion the other day.  Every time the conversation begins I think to myself "We have no right to be discussing this" just for the pure reason of ignorance.  In order to truely discuss religion with some kind of coherent ability one would have to be extremely well known in many religions and languages.  A perfect example is when one of my friends said the bible was first written in Latin….now when he said this, my immediate thought in my head was "No it was not written in Latin" however I found myself keeping my mouth shut- because although I knew it was not first written in Latin, I could not for the life of me think of what it was written in.  It dawned on me though- and a "duh" must follow this…Hebrew. 

rn

I always tell people never to get into the argument of the bible and God with me- because this topic is written in stone for me- and nothing will ever budge my beliefs.  I do get excited and want to interrupt people- but as one friend said I do not listen.  Which is a lie.  See people think that to "listen" you have to comprehend and possibly understand.  Maybe for class.  As far as religion goes though- I do not understand nor comprehend anything that anyone says  "God does not exsist" or "The Bible is a lie" (which were never exact words in our discussion) but that does not even click with me- instead my brains says "If only…"

rn

People argue that Christians push their faith on to people.  Which I believe is a good thing if you do it in a correct matter when people are ready to hear it.  Christians love everyone and it kills us to think of anyone perishing in hell, which is the main reason we thrust our beliefs on people.  However many people disregard what we have to say.  (I hardly say anything- because I do not have the intelligence to back it up with what everyone wants- proof.  No one believes in faith anymore like I do.)  If they do not listen to us though- eventually I believe that God gets a hold of us- whenever He believes is the correct time.  He’ll let everyone know that he is the ONLY God and that yes, you should follow His ways.  Out of MY experience- I do not know any elderly who despise or are against Christ.  In fact all the elderly people I know are Christians and believe that Jesus Christ is our savior.  Which goes to show- that eventually He does come around. 

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      My alarm clock went off at 7:45 AM this morning, which noramlly would have been enough to make me want to tear off a limb and hurl it at teh beeping monstrosity, but since i prepared and went to bed at 11:00 PM the night before it wasn’t such an issue.  I showered slowly, getting three minutes behind my timed schedule but parised myself for planning my outfit out the night before.  Jeans to face the obnoxiously cold weather (it’s fucking July and I am wearing pants!) and my favorite green plaid shirt would do.  drink apple juice, grab CD’s, grab lunch to make at work,  get in car, go. I parked my car in the closest spot to the Alumni centers front doors.  The sign says visitor parking, but I figure I count as a visitor because I am there sparringly.  I impressed myself by working quickly, getting things organized all OCD style and doing my copies immdiately to look good for my boss.  She smiled and said she loved how fast I got things done.  I know, I am good.


     Back at my work station things began to get fun.  DeSutter and I had our mornign IM session where we discussed everyoen and everything within a matter of minutes.  It’s to the point, covering facts, swaping predictions and just plain telling it like it is.  Our boring lives seem so interesting that way.  I scanned a lot of stuff after this, reunion books, postcards from mad alumni, old photos etc.  It bored me, so I decided to make my lunch, but alas, I forgot to pack my can opener and therefore couldn’t make the Chef Boyardee Ravioli.  I guess it happens though.  I was pissed for a bried bit, but then Jack IMed me and while I thought my mood would change drastically, it just shifted to neutral.  I battled in conversation about weed usage, it’s effect, my opinions, friendships, dating, life, etc.  It’s always personal with this kid it seems.  And I don’t mean to use “kid” as a derogatory name, but I do feel older then he is.  Probably cause I am by two years. Anyway, this debate wasn’t heated with rage or anger, just curiosity and wanting to know what the other thought about. It was awesome, but I definately stopped working while chattign with him. 


      I left in a hurry to get home, for I wanted to finish talkign to Jack on IM at home.  It seems weird I know, but I just felt like I had more to get to.  Anyway, we wound up talkign about his life and his boyfriend and my thoughts about that situation.  Now I won’t lie, a month ago, maybe even a few weeks ago I would have been annoyed about hearing of the infamous boyfriend, but my crush on Jack has faded I guess.  Now he’s just Jack to me.  Anyway, it was a good chat in the long run, which eventually led to us goign to play Tennis together.  I sported a pony shirt and headed to pick up Jack, but my enthusiasm to participate in athletics wasn’t enough to let me win.  I lost badly.  8 games to 1.  Pathetic.  I need some practice obviously. 


      The playing took my energy, but before eating it was time to shop, ally style.  Yes, Jackola and I cruised the ally of Muncie’s looking for disregarded furniture that could use a new home.  It would be welcome at my 1212 Carson abode do to my lack of furniture since my roommates are moving out and my new ones don’t have much furniture.  I became the proud owner of an oddly shaped gren and yellow arm chair, a beige corduroy recliner, a filthy orange couch that is creaming to be febreezed (so badly infact I left it sitting in my backyard for the night) and a hutch that was in mint condition.  This was all for free, so I can’t complain.  I did scratch my car bumper on the fucking ally entrance ways a million times though.  Muncie roads are rough dude.


      So Jack’s house was where I ended up next where we cooked a pizza, and burnt it.  Double-Cheese the package said, and it live dup to it’s namesake.  The bottom of the pizza was fine, the top layer of cheese was cajun style, complete with black bubbling grossness, but after I peeled these places back there was a freshly melted layer of cheese underneath.  Awesome.  I scarfed it down, then proceeded with helping Jack reorganize his room a little.  Thsi lasted a short while until Aubrie IMed us and we all decided to hack.  I rushed with Jack to the LP (Linden Place Apartments) and we hacked it up in the lit up parkign area.  We peaked early though and not a lot came of the session.  From here it was bullshitting on the couch Aubrie got from a dumpster last year and basically covering the days events.  I thought alot at this time and realized things in life are just insane.  jack wanted to smoke, I could tell, so I took him to Eric’s cause I wanted to shower anyhow, then I went home did so. 


    You’ll notice there was no smoking in my day.  That’s cause I am quitting.  I have said it before, but this time I am serious.  my reasons for doing so are various.  I just feel like I am not being me anymore.  I have changed too much into a stoner and it bothers me.  I don’t want that for me.  I can’t write as well with smoking, I just loose my creativity, but that’s just me personally.  I also don’t like that my social crowd is all smokers.  This doesn’t mean I don’t like my social crowd, it just means I want to branch back out and reconnect with some people.  I have had a blast this summer and I thank Raechel, Eric and Jack for chilling with me and putting up with my sarcasm.  I can’t wait to have more times with them.  I just hope they don’t loose touch with me cause the summers ending soon and I appreciate all of them as my friends.  They are all unique in their own way.


   So I guess that’s all for now, I just stressed myself out with inner monolgue today really.  I don’t want to loose any friends, and if some people think I have a bad attitude about life then they probably just haven’t taken the time to talk to me and figure me out.  I want to cut back on weed and be able to pass a drug test for my soon to be job search after I graduate.  I want to change some things in my life I guess.  I spent this weekend with Beth and Aubrie and that really brought a lot on for me.  It made me feel whole again.  It made me feel like I was who I was before I smoked.  And I liked that.  I want that back.  I want my new friends too.  I can have both.  I am rambling now though.  I guess I am saying it my Anti-drug realyl kicked in this weekend.  thanks.


    Remember to love your shetlands, keep it down cause voices carry, keep your hands off 309 and mmmmm, drink Apple Juice. 


   

Random writings….


I’m Thinking


I’m thinking of knowing what it’s like to be me
and how only glass shadows could possibly see
a reflection so clear, translucent and clean
whenever they look in a mirror


I’m thinking that being such a clean slate
has made me a moral-less, rule keeping fake
and you don’t get to skip all the microwaved hate
when you know that your covered in foil


I’m thinking in lyric, hieroglyphic lies
concocting a story to be bought by the high
cause these liberals can’t see through their bloodshot eyes
and I doubt that I’d care if they melted


I’m thinking of knowing what it’s like to be me
and not knowing what’s wound in this spider-web sleeve
but you can’t just keep thinking, you have to do
so don’t be surprised if I turn on you.


Red Heads and why I like them.


If you keep track of all the plots
that curve and swerve and meet at spots
you’ll find a guy whose fate was lost
amongst the peanut gallery


he’s shy and quiet but smart and cute
avoiding lipstick and tops that are tubes
because he’d rather know men who chew
amongst the peanut gallery


I thought well if I talk to him he’ll notice I was intrigued
but it’s been so long, the intrigue could be gone
and I think that he thinks that I think he’s not there
amongst the peanut gallery


but his red hair remains in my mind
as the accumulation of my wants, desires
and yet part of me thinks he won’t care that I
am amongst his peanut gallery


Be My Guest


I’m sending out some invitations
but is one postmarked to you?
Come be a guest, come be my guest
in a world of hypocrisies, annoyed looks and
cruel stabs in the back, when I laugh at the task
I have given you to complete, and you’ll try
cause if you succeed you think, then I can be
inside, inside, where I get to be snide
and I get to remark and critique all the time
and talk of the dinner that we had that time
but no, you’ll just bring me my tea.