so it’s one of those nights where it seems no matter what I try to do my mind keeps thinking about the same things, and I keep finding myself restarting the same song over and over again on my computer.  Yeah, The Eagles – Wasted Time.  It just fits right now.  I guess.  I just can’t stop thinking about how I am trying really hard right now to make some changes in myself and in my habits.  It’s toughter then I thought it’d be, not because I am dependent so much, but that it just seems like smoking and drinking have just become a part of my personality. And it sucks so much when I slip up and smoke when I am trying not to, not only cause I feel I am letting down my friends who are helping me through it all, but because I feel let down myself.  I know I am better then that I guess.  I know that I can do it.  If nothing else though, I have cut back massively. I smoked about as much this entire week as I used to in one day.  I guess I have to start somewhere though, right?

     and then there’s Doug.  Yeah, that name seemed to have faded from the mind for a time, maybe because I was hurt so much by our last encounter, or maybe because of the smoking, or maybe it was just cause I met someone else for a little bit, though that’s all changed into a whole new animal.  I guess it just goes to show that the bird always does fly home.  Anyway, Doug was suppose to fly out of Bhagdad on the 22nd, but something happened.  I don’t know what, but his flight was delayed last I knew and he was waiting to find out when he would finally get to leave.  It’s just been such a long time since he’s been a regular part of my life, but I know the minute I see him it will fit perfectly.  It always does.  I just want to see him in front of me again.  Just for a minute even, a second, because that’s all it ever takes from him to make me smile and feel more real and whole then anything in the entire world.  

      and with that out of my system, here it is, Wasted Time by The Eagles..

Well baby, there you stand
With your little head, down in your hand
Oh, my God, you can’t believe it’s happening again
Your baby’s gone, and you’re all alone and it looks like the end.

And you’re back out on the street.
And you’re tryin’ to remember.
How will you start it over?
You don’t know what became.
You don’t care much for a stranger’s touch,
But you can’t hold your man.

You never thought you’d be alone this far
down the line
And I know what’s been on your mind
You’re afraid it’s all been wasted time

The autumn leaves have got you thinking
about the first time that you fell
You didn’t love the boy too much, no, no
you just loved the boy to well, Farewell

So you live from day to day, and you dream
about tomorrow, oh.
And the hours go by like minutes
and the shadows come to stay
So you take a little something to
make them go away
And I could have done so many things, baby
If I could only stop my mind from wondrin’ what
I left behind and from worrying ’bout this wasted time

Ooh, another love has come and gone
Ooh, and the years keep rushing on
I remember what you told me before you went out on your own: “Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone.”
So you can get on with your search, baby, and I can
get on with mine
And maybe someday we will find , that it wasn’t really
wasted time

and with that I am gonna sign off here, cause you can only drive so far down an empty road before you run out of gas.


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