Are you fucking joking? So today I went on an expedition with Beth Harsany and Josh Rose to Broadripple. The sheer annoyingness of the place made me want to rip out my own intestines and jump rope with them. Double Dutch even. The terror started on the drive there as far too many OLD people were out on the roads. Fortunately, Josh was carrying a bucket of knives in the back seat, unfortunately, I had thrown all the knives at people by the time we reached Indianapolis. Good thing Beth had back-up throwing stars in her purse.

I guess what really pisses me off about Broadripple is that there is NOTHING there. I mean seriously, half the little shops/cafes/boutiques/hell holes are shut down cause I am sure the rent was sky rocketing and that they just weren’t “trendy” enough. The owner was some ugly chick who doesn’t shave her armpits and thinks taking broken glass and sticking in candles will make her the next Todd Oldham. She’s probably a lesbian too, with unbelievably curly red hair. She cried when she got her eviction notice and then she started snorting cocaine again. bitch.

One stop in Barfripple was the big Broadripple Vintage. The name is un-original, the people who work there are deusch bags, but some of the “vintage” clothes inside are cool. I used to own this pair of green flip-flops that were all designer looking on the part my foot rested on. Like anyone sees what’s under your foot when you are wearing a fucking sandal though. Anyhow, these same sandals were at the Vintage store, even though I got them at Wal-Mart two years ago for only $2.00. Now they were marked at $12.00. Are you fucking serious?

We continued walking around the classy neighborhood, but decided places like “Three Sisters Cafe”, “Pitya” or “Cha Cha” could just blow up. I vowed to name any storm that ever rolled through there and destroyed things after myself. Then it started raining. I noticed lots of people standing under the hangovers of the buildings, even though the drizzle falling was miniscule (sp?). Most of these people has just put on their trendiest new outfit and wanted to parade around the area, possibly purchasing a coffee at StarBucks or possibly having rain fall on them and wash away their weak, painted on exteriors. Morons.

We needed escape, so we went to McDonalds, the last place where this snobby virus that was spreading would be. But NO! There is now the McCafe menu. It’s overly priced items like baguettes, bread boules (what the fuck is a boule?) and Green Chai Tea. Fuck you McDonalds for giving in to bullshit. Of course Broadripple had to go ruin something simple like McDonalds with their STD-esque trendy crap. Boo.

We left immediately making a brief stop at the north side Comic Carnival where Beth almost became the victim of a Klingon attack as she insulted one nerds cell phone ring. It was the Indiana Jones theme. Anyway, we made it home thanks to the A+ driving skills of Josh and now I am going to take a nap. Broadripple? BARF


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