So it really bothers me that the number one question everyone is asking me these days is “What are you goign to do after you graduate?” I mean, I understand that it’s just one of those generic polite questions people ask, but still. Obviously I am going to try and find a job with a reliable company and make enough money to pay off my loans and start my life. I won’t lie, the option of just being a permanent alcoholic and bumbling around homeless on the streets did cross my mind, but I don’t think I could handle the smell factor or the lack of clothes. Who could spend so much time in just one outfit as poor people do? I can’t even spend on day in a single outfit. And can people really expect me to know exactly what is going to happen to me? I will let them know when it happens, just like the rest of the world including myself, all figure out at once where I am going to be. I have options right now and they are playing out, so it’s just a game of waiting and looking for more leads. I feel like people are expecting more of me though. They want my to reach into my pocket and pull out my multi-colored flow chart which dictates my every move…..
22 – Finish college and start working for Monarch Beverages as a beer distributor in a college town
23 – begin to wonder why you’re still in a college town and then begin drinking your product (Miller beer) and become an alcoholic.
24 – Even your young friends are graduating, so finally move to Georgia in search of a new job and some romance (note that it takes two more years before I realistically enter the dating pool)
25 – You get a great job at a magazine critiquing people you see walking around on the streets. Everyone loves you and you meet this hot rich guy.
26 – You get caught looking at porn at work and are fired and your boyfriend decides he isn’t gay anymore and now hates you.
27 – my little dog which I bought as a replacement for my boyfriend dies, and my job as a manager at a grocery store provides about as much entertainment as herpes.
28 – At the age of 28 you’re still a virgin and hate your life. You have a crisis and call all your old crushes, begging one of them to finally be gay and love you.
29 – You get really drunk, sell everything you own on e-bay and begin walking across the country in an attempt to be inspirational
29 and one day – You are a block away from your house and you head back. All the Miller beer made you out of shape.
30 – Someone finds a manuscript of a book you began writing in college and it’s published.
31 – You get mugged by a big angry foreigner and die in the street singing Patti Smith’s “There’s a danger in loving somebody too much”
….yeah, a bit extreme, but at least i got published right?