Well Xanga, I am at a loss of words right now.  I have a lot of shit to think about on my plate, but I just don’t know how to put it all down in words I guess.  Here goes my try. 

    Recently I had a jobinterview on the north side of Indy at a place called Diversified Corporate Solutions.  It was an alright interview and I liked the lady I talked to, but I didn’t feel like the business was something I was genuinely interested in.  They deal with outsourcing and selling products face to face for other companies.  Is that what I am going to become?  A salesman?  I don’t know if that’s what I want.  My dream was to be a writer.  I wanted to craft thoughtful songs and poetry and write a memoir and work at a comic book publishing company.  I don’t want to abandon my dreams, but I need a job and I can’t wait around for some dream job.  I guess I just have to work my way towards my goals.  Simple solution huh?

     Thought number two is about my uncanny ability to think one day a straight man will love me.  It’s really stupid, I know.  Someone told me they think I am not mentally ready for a relationship, but I don’t really think that’s true.  I just think I haven’t met anyone who was eligable for me to date that I have liked.  I mean, we all know I can be a bit critical sometimes, so to find someone who I like enough to share myself with, well, that’s difficult for me and usually takes me a while to figure out that I like them.  That’s why I always end up falling for my friends I think, because I get to know them and I let them know me.  That is what love is to me.  I guess I just get it confused with friendship sometimes maybe, but then again, I have plenty of friends who I don’t feel attracted to.

   and these poor guys that I like.  They must feel so annoyed by me.  I can be a bit much sometimes, and I don’t mean to be, I just don’t realize that it bothers them I guess.  I have lost my thoughts just now. 


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