Well Xanga, I am at a loss of words right now. I have a lot of shit to think about on my plate, but I just don’t know how to put it all down in words I guess. Here goes my try.
Recently I had a jobinterview on the north side of Indy at a place called Diversified Corporate Solutions. It was an alright interview and I liked the lady I talked to, but I didn’t feel like the business was something I was genuinely interested in. They deal with outsourcing and selling products face to face for other companies. Is that what I am going to become? A salesman? I don’t know if that’s what I want. My dream was to be a writer. I wanted to craft thoughtful songs and poetry and write a memoir and work at a comic book publishing company. I don’t want to abandon my dreams, but I need a job and I can’t wait around for some dream job. I guess I just have to work my way towards my goals. Simple solution huh?
Thought number two is about my uncanny ability to think one day a straight man will love me. It’s really stupid, I know. Someone told me they think I am not mentally ready for a relationship, but I don’t really think that’s true. I just think I haven’t met anyone who was eligable for me to date that I have liked. I mean, we all know I can be a bit critical sometimes, so to find someone who I like enough to share myself with, well, that’s difficult for me and usually takes me a while to figure out that I like them. That’s why I always end up falling for my friends I think, because I get to know them and I let them know me. That is what love is to me. I guess I just get it confused with friendship sometimes maybe, but then again, I have plenty of friends who I don’t feel attracted to.
and these poor guys that I like. They must feel so annoyed by me. I can be a bit much sometimes, and I don’t mean to be, I just don’t realize that it bothers them I guess. I have lost my thoughts just now.