I feel like a puddle.  Stagnant.  Collecting dirt and filth, those ugly water spiders settling odwn for the long haul.  I feel like I am not moving anymore.  I am lacking the ripples.  You know, like when something crazy happens, like a new boyfriend or a new job or a life altering revelation.  Instead, it’s just stillness.  Nothingness.  I have let myself down by just being a server for this long, but I don’t know how to escape this all.  I am tired of waiting tables, extrememly tired, but what else can i be doing?  I have sent out over a 100 resumes to companies, and I haven’t heard anything back really.  The worst was the other day online.  You see I’ve been applying at Emmis Communications for months, for various jobs, and each time nothing has come of it.  My last application was for an account coordinator.  I’m qualified, I’m motivated to learn, but Emmis just sees me as another recent grad with no previous experience.  They sent my a rejection e-mail.  And on top of that, they sent me 14 other rejection e-mails for the various jobs I have applied for with Emmis.  That’s 15 e-mails all sayign the same thing except for the job title which is changed in each.  15 different jobs that Emmis feels I don’t deserve.  And they told me I dont’ deserve them all at once.  It hurt my feelings.  But then again, I guess it was nice to feel something instead of just stagnant emptiness.  Maybe this is the motivation I needed.  What nerve emmis has to rudly mail those all out simutaniously.  I need to stop letting myself down and start bring myself up.  But i just can’t seem to figure out how.

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