I am not suprised by the events of today at all.  Or lack there of I should say.  Lately I’ve been so active socially that I just feel burnt out, and oddly, unfulfilled.  I spent all of Sunday evening drinking with my friend Amanda, spent Monday shopping with her.  I spent some dough, but I got some cool stuff.  And I found this store FULL of Led Zeppelin goodies.  I got a set of coasters, a key chain, a patch for my jacket, 4 buttons, 2 stickers, a car air freshner and to top it all off a giant Led Zeppelin throw blanket.  It has the Starship on it and everything.  It’s amazing.  I also got new work shoes, two new thermals, a Valentines Day card and some other random goodies. 

              The shopping turned into a trip to Big Daddies followed by a trip to Cheeseburger in Paradise where I karaoked.  I did “Dream On” by Aerosmith, and it rocked.  From there it was back to Amanda’s to hang out for a bit more, but then ultimately back home.  On the way I tried to get a two cheeseburger value meal from McDonalds, but the clerk told me they were on Breakfast.  Whoops, it was 5:00AM.  I got a Sausage and Cheese Mc Griddle.

          V-Day hit with lack luster speed.  I debated just not getting up because I had no plans, but instead got to work on e-mailing some potential job leads.  Sadly, in the middle of working G-Mail decided to shut down.  The server crashed I guess.  Most likely due to them adding a “chat” feature to the site.  How unnecessary.  I also made a mixed CD for Zach.  I delivered the Valentine’s Day card I bought for him (it was three feet tall) and the CD, but didn’t stick around to get his reaction.  Instead I left before the people who wanted tonight off but didn’t get it got pissed at me for being in the restaurant.

        After that my nights just been full of online bullshit, reading comics, and singing songs.  I think I am officially declaring my valentine for this year to be Music.  Just music in general.  It’s done a lot for me lately.  I’m a little paranoid that I’m still living at home and I am going to be 24 this year.  I’m nervous that I’ve still yet to enter a serious relationship.  I’m scared that I can’t pin point my religious beliefs.  I’m upset that I have problems with substances.  I feel like I need a clean slate.  A new crowd.  But to have Zach there.  He’s comforting. And when I think about him, I always feel hope growing inside me.  Although it’s probably just gas or something.  Anyway, when I get all bogged down with this stuff, I always turn to music.  Music just helps my emotions play out.  It says the words that I want to say.  And it gives me energy and inspiration.  Thanks Music.


Tapes are due February 13th for Real World season 19.  I’m going to put one together tomorrow.  If i can just highlight some of my more interesting qualities i am sure i can be a candidate.  I mean, i’m not extremely attractive or anything, but i’m very interesting.  I like to write about people I know and absorb all the information i can about them.  It’s easy for me to write people off based on stereotypes.  I am a virgin gay male who is 23 (that should be enough right there).  I have an impulse to be attracted to straight guys instead of gay guys.  I don’t get along with foreign people that well.  I am very limited in who i am friends with.  I am gossipy.  I love to talk about myself.  I mean, I am an ideal cast member.  This is one of my last chances to be on the show.  I hope i make it.