Like most tragedies that occur in the world, I blame religion for this one. Human beings are such complex structures. We endure so much to attain so little. We ignore shrapnel being stuck through our hearts, we accept long nights where no one cares about us in that way we need, we apologize constantly for not living up to what we should be. But there comes a time when you just can’t handle this anymore. Your heart, your mind, your body just can’t take it. My heart, my mind, my body….they’ve all just had it. 
           In March of this past spring I started seeing a guy who I had fancied for a while. It wasn’t anything conventional, but more like two friends, always laughing, always having fun, and then randomly screwing around in bed. After two months of this, I became a little more invested. I was actually telling myself that this could be a serious relationship. Of course the world turned, the sun descended and he left me in a state of purgatory where I was saddened by his departure, angry at the abruptness, confused as to who was to blame and just downright disappointed at myself for letting my emotions roam free. To top it all off he called me one final time and told me I was on a path of destruction, I was extremely unreligious, and that I would rot in the firey pits of hell.
           This was May 5th, and yet a part of me thought he’d return someday. He had given me the arguments of my lifestyle VS his religion before. I just didn’t care. I moved on, I slowly got over him, I was doing good. And aside from random drunk texts I sent to him a few times over the summer, we didn’t communicate. Then it happened. He responded to one so random drunk text in September. 4 and a half months later. He said he missed hanging out with me, that he wanted to come visit. I told him he should, and we set a date. He was afraid to stay with me at first due to my “homoerotic stalking” so I told him he could sleep on the couch. We planned for a week or so, and we talked for several on the phone. He then randomly texted me at work on this past Sunday. He wasn’t going to be able to come because he needed to preach at his church. He had to put church before partying.  I called his bluff, told him he was full of shit. He says “Adam, what happened is God spoke to me. He said if I went down to visit you that the enemy would destroy my spirit!
             And so I am the enemy. I am the anti-christ. The demo-god. Satan. Lucifer. The devil himself. Well you know what, choke on my fire and brimstone you deluded freak. Don’t play games with my emotions, don’t bait me along, don’t act like you are doing the right thing by being plainly rude. You are immature, hypocritical, a total zealot and a massively uncaring, unthinking, unforgivable asshole. So have fun with your God. Have fun with your boring little life. But please, just leave me the fuck alone because it’s just too much for me to take anymore.


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