I can’t handle this anymore!  I can’t do it.  Life just sucks so freakin’ much right now and I don’t know why!  Lets go day by day and see how things are.  On Friday my stomach was kind of upset so I came home after work and took a nap, I did laundry and I cleaned the apartment a bit.  Around 7:30 I rolled down to Big Daddies where I had a total of 7 Bud Lights and after not feling a buzz annoyingly I got two Jager bombs.  I sat there till 1:30, and left.  I slept, got up, felt like crap, had an upset stomach still and crapped continuously through out the morning.  I went to bartend at Big Daddies, but left around 1:00 because I felt so bad.  I went home, slept, and didn’t do much that night except play boardgames with friends.  I took several aspirin because my back molar was bothering me now.

      Sunday I went to my mom’s for Mother’s day and to my older sisters graduation.  All day I was complaining about my tooth, my new wisdom tooth apparently, that was busting through my gums and causing a lot of pain.  I scheduled a dentist appointment on Monday morning at 7:00am and e-mailed my boss to let her know I’d be late.  I go to the appointment and they say they can’t do anything but perscribe me pain killers and an antibiotic because my gum is inflamed.  Great.  They make me schedule a consultation with an oral surgeon, meanwhile I still can’t talk without pain, can’t chew and it hurts to close me mouth all the way, but that’s ok because i have pain killers.  Vicodin to be precise, which makes me trippy, dizzy and over-all exhausted.  I leave the dentist appointment and head to work, taking a pain killer on the way so I won’t be in pain all day while at the Red Cross.  I get there and stay for about an hour.  I am shaking, freaking out and feeling overly ill because of the Vicodin.  I go home and sleep, then get online and do nothing all night aside from chat with my sister who came over.  Thanks Shelbs!

      Tuesday I get ready for work and get ready to walk out the door.  I e-mail my boss and tell her my efectivness on these pills is no guaruntee as they make me a zombie basically, she gets irritated at me and tells me she will take care of everything today.  I stay home and so e-mail work, attempting to get some stuff accomplished.  I am tired of feeling like crap and just want out of my house so I don’t take any pills after noon.  I head to Big Daddies for a steak dinner and cranberry juice but suprise I can’t chew it and everyone there looks at me like i’m a leper because I was sick Saturday and drugged up now because of my wisdom tooth.  I leave, barely eating because I am uncomfortable and I can’t chew anyhow.  I come home and here I am, not wanting to take this pill, but feelign like crap and thinking my jaw is on fire.  GULP.

    Tomorrow I have a “consoltation” where I won’t get my teeth taken care of I’m sure and I will feel like shit for lord knows how long.  I hate everything.  On top of this, I just am not happy these days.  I’m lonely, have no friends really, and don’t do much to improve my life because it’s easier to ignore everything.  I’m just down.


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