I thought I’d finish my day of work off with a Xanga entry.  I’ve been trying to take some steps towards improving my life.  I went out and bought a bunch of groceries and swore off fast food for the week.  I don’t have any money, so I am intentionally just watching TV and hanging out at my apartment, getting things done like organzing my iPod, beating some video games and just relaxing.  I am 4 days sober, which isn’t a lot to most people, but for me that’s pretty unbelieveable.  I need to be saving money, that’s the cause of all these changes.  I am doing well so far, planning my way out of total poverty.  I talked to the managers at Uno’s who said I could come back to work, but I am still waiting on them to contact me and tell me when I get to start.

       Work at my Big Kids Job has been ok, but nothing overly exciting.  I still feel like I am working somewhere that I hate.  I don’t care about what I do, I don’t have a fun time at work.  I don’t like the people, I get paid VERY little which no one seems to believe.  It’s a non-profit organization for crying out loud.  After taxes I make $9.61 an hour!  How am I supposed to be living on this?  It’s ridiculous.  I applied for a few new positions but i haven’t heard anything and I don’t really expect to.  I am just not optimistic.  It sounds horrible, but I had a much better life when I was waiting tables and working 50 – 60 hours a week.  I was never tired like I always am now, I spent more time with people doing things, I smiled a lot more and I was never so poor that I had to isolate myself from society for a week.

        Today I read someone else’s Xanga from start to finish.  It was insane.  This guy just rambled on about how he drank all the time, wrecked multiple vehicles while intoxicated, got arrested, had premiscuous sex, came out of the closet (though when his “curently listening to” selections were always Janet Jackson I kind of guessed).  In the end, he left Purdue, he switched to IUPUI was diagnosed as a manic depressive and got AIDS.  How horrible.  I look at my life and see some crazy things that have happened to me but I have managed to hold on to somethings. 

        Anyway, I feel extremely distant from everyone, probably because I ‘ve shoved everyone away or become something they don’t want to associate with.  I miss who I used to be, but you can’t really go back in time and making up time with friends is tough.  I need a fresh start ya know.  I need to get out of dodge, check out some other city.  I need to move and become my own person, meet some people, maybe be active in a gay community (doubtful).  But most of all I feel like I just need a hug.   

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       I’ts true, I am incredibly poor.  Living by myself comes with increased bills and a heftier rent.  I think I may have to put my tail between my legs and pick up a few shifts a week at Uno’s waiting tables.  I guess it’s not that horrible, it was never a hard job, just periodically aggrivating.  At least I’ll know what I am doing right off the back.

     I have to create a second blog or journal or whatever you may call it.  It’s going to be for the Red Cross and targeted at people who work for the American Red Cross, marketing our online training program.  I am sure this won’t hurt my Xanga blogging/journaling, it’s much more satisfying. 

    Last evening was extremely relaxing.  It’s amazing how much I can get done if I just head straight home after work.  I managed to find time to do two loads of laundry, cook pasta for dinner, vaccuum the apartment, read a bunch of comics, watch Top Chef, wipe down my bathroom and a ton of other things.  I felt accomplished.  Tonight as a reward I will be frequenting Big Daddies and probably Uno’s too.  I feel like doing a tour.  Big Daddies now features the new MillerChill or as I call it, the Chelada.  It’s lite beer with lime and salt basically but it’s so much more refreshing then just a regular beer. 

     This weekend isn’t looking too promising at all.  I don’t have a lot money to be spending which is really starting to bother me.  I think I am going to consider working two or three nights a week at Uno’s again, just until I can get some money saved up and so I can get rid of my stupid bills.  I only have two credit card bills and one only has $200.00 bucks left on it but I just want to get rid of them entirely.  Credit cards are clearly a sign of the end of the world.  They’re evil, probably a weapon of mass destruction put in place by the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse (McDonalds, Starbucks, AOL and Dave Matthews Band).  Beware!  No, this weekend will most likely be relatively quiet and since I can barely remember going out last weekend that’s probably a good thing.  I hate when drunkenness just sneaks up on you!

Ridiculous Rants and Ramblings

The Work-Place Bathroom

It’s never a comfortable thing to have to use the restroom somewhere other then in your home.  I like to know my surroundings while I make myself vulnerable.  Naturally, you can’t always have things your way.  This isn’t Burger King.  Occasionally one must break the shell, venture out into the world of public restrooms and endure the scrutiny.  This is why I find it very important to keep habit and ritual when using the work-place restroom.  I am at work over 40 hours a week, so when nature calls, I don’t plan on waiting till I get home.  I use the same stall everytime, but it’s an obscure one.  It’s not even on the floor where my office is located.  This gives me time to wonder around, take a break and just relax.  I use the basement restroom because no one is ever down there except for the janitor.  It makes it peacful, quiet and gives me the confidence I need to make a satisfying deposit. Not only that, but someone has begun to put nice toilet paper down there.  No longer will I have an abused bum, I now have the softness of Charmin grazing these cheeks at home AND at work.  I wish I knew who my mysterious benefactor was.

Physical because of Grafitti

Upon moving into my new apartment I noticed someone had signed there name on the wall by my door.  I hunched down, tried to make out the hand writing and rolled my eyes.  Lil Greedy was here.  That’s what is says.  I looked across the hall at the doorway there.  A repeat of the vandalism.  It looked trashy.  It was poorly written.  At least use some good caligraphy or something.  I immediately went and unpacked some white paint.  I covered both pieces of scripture, making sure to let “Lil Greedy” know that I was here now.  I went inside and continued to unpack, leaving about an hour later.  That’s when I noticed she’d returned.  She had re-signed the wall, over my paint.  Furiously I grabbed my paint again, re-covered the attrocious abominations and went on my way.  The next day I noticed it was back.  More vandalism.  It isn’t big, but it’s unacceptable.  I got a bottle of bleach and scrubbed the wall, removing the mess again.  Once again she competed with me and upped the assault, I think she used a Sharpee pen.  I bought a Mr.Clean magic eraser but it didn’t work.  I was devastated.  I repainted, thinking if she came back I’d just have to fire a rocket lancher at her face.  The only solution.  She hasn’t come back, but I have a feeling this story is far from over.

Project Runway (and everything else on Bravo)

For a while now I’ve heard people talk about this show.  I thought, god I’m so fashionable already that I doubt I need to watch amateurs bumble around a sewing room.  Was I ever wrong!  I started watching the Season 3 the other day because I had two hours to kill.  It was a marathon on Bravo, so I knew I could get in all the acion via my DVR.  This show is swesome.  The outfits are just amazing when they come together poperly and the ones that fail, wow.  Some of those people should not have been on there at all.  Needless to say, when it comes to Project Runway, I’m hooked.  I can’t take my eyes off the screen.  When it comes to fashion, one minute your in and the next your out, but I’m in on this show for the long run now.  Not to mention everything else on Bravo.  I watch it all, except for ‘Hey Paula’.  I haven’t stooped that low. 

That’s what I’ve got today.  Keep on keepin’ on.

And it even feels like a home now!  Yes, I have successfully moved into my new apartment.  It was stressful moving in, esspecially with the stairs and the furniture, but it all worked out wonderfully well.  I only managed to break one thing, my Led Zeppelin clock which I stepped on.  Whoops.  Oh well, I still put i ont he wall in my room.  And speaking of my new room, it’s awesome.  I had an assist from my little sister, Shellby (with two L’s).  Basically I moved everything around and she handed me nails, pencils, tape measures and then told me my decorations were unique.  She’s awesome.

Decorating continued into the living room which was halted by A) An attacking cactus  B) The shelf from hell which is impossible to level and C) My neighbor who asked me to finish my hammering when it wasn’t 9:45 at night.  I have a few more things to get in place, and a few pieces of equipment ot buy (rugs are needed BIG time) but other then that I think it’s turned into a nice little home for myself.  I’m pumped about it.

The work week is looking to be good.  Nothing much is going on in the office due to the mid-week holiday.  Two people are out all week, I unfortunately, I am here for all 4 non-holiday days.  I’ve scheudled two new conferences for us to attend, wrote 3 company letters and edited our new online training implementation kit.  What else will they throw at me?    I guess that’s all for now, hope everyone has a great 4th of July!