When I take time to spend an evening in.  When I am not out being my usual cynical, intoxicated self, I find that I am always sad.  It doesn’t matter what I do, organize comics, watch television, write, anything;  It always ends with me feeling a little upset about life.  Often I just pass it by, think to myself, “Adam, tomorrow you won’t even remember what you were mopping about.”  But I know it will return.  Pinpointing what’s lacking is an effort in itself.  I have friends that I care about, I have my own place and I’m living self sufficiently.  I am not exactly working the career of my dreams, but that’s acceptable for me at this age in my life.  I really just think I am lonely.  I think I need to start realistically dating people instead of hiding behind bizarre crushes and unneccessary obesessions. 

          It always starts off with me just joking around about wanting something.  Then I really see that I am attracted.  I limit myself to obtaining the goal.  I ignore everything else and just focus on the next obstacle.  But I only have this attentive focus with stupid projects.  I just know what I like.  I know what I want.  But not until I’ve seen it.  Life should feel more rewarding then this.