When I take time to spend an evening in. When I am not out being my usual cynical, intoxicated self, I find that I am always sad. It doesn’t matter what I do, organize comics, watch television, write, anything; It always ends with me feeling a little upset about life. Often I just pass it by, think to myself, “Adam, tomorrow you won’t even remember what you were mopping about.” But I know it will return. Pinpointing what’s lacking is an effort in itself. I have friends that I care about, I have my own place and I’m living self sufficiently. I am not exactly working the career of my dreams, but that’s acceptable for me at this age in my life. I really just think I am lonely. I think I need to start realistically dating people instead of hiding behind bizarre crushes and unneccessary obesessions.
It always starts off with me just joking around about wanting something. Then I really see that I am attracted. I limit myself to obtaining the goal. I ignore everything else and just focus on the next obstacle. But I only have this attentive focus with stupid projects. I just know what I like. I know what I want. But not until I’ve seen it. Life should feel more rewarding then this.