“One Man Guy” by Rufus Wainwright

People will know when they see this show
The kind of a guy I am
They’ll recognize just what I stand for and what I just can’t stand
They’ll perceive what I believe in
And what I know is true
And they’ll recognize I’m a one man guy
Always was through and through

People meditate
Hey that’s just great
Trying to find the inner you
People depend on family and friends
And other folks to pull them through

I don’t know why I’m a one man guy
Or why I’m a one man show
But these three cubic feet of bone and blood and meat are all I love and know

‘Cause I’m a one man guy in the morning
Same in the afternoon
One man guy when the sun goes down
I whistle me a one man tune

One man guy a one man guy
Only kind of guy to be
I’m a one man guy
I’m a one man guy
I’m a one man guy is me

I’m gonna bathe and shave
And dress myself and eat solo every night
Unplug the phone, sleep alone
Stay way out of sight
Sure it’s kind of lonely
Yeah it’s sort of sick
Being your own one and only
Is a dirty selfish trick

‘Cause I’m a one man guy in the morning
Same in the afternoon
One man guy when the sun goes down
I whistle me a one man tune
One man guy a one man guy
Only kind of guy to be
I’m a one man guy
I’m a one man guy
I’m a one man guy is me

I feel like a puddle.  Stagnant.  Collecting dirt and filth, those ugly water spiders settling odwn for the long haul.  I feel like I am not moving anymore.  I am lacking the ripples.  You know, like when something crazy happens, like a new boyfriend or a new job or a life altering revelation.  Instead, it’s just stillness.  Nothingness.  I have let myself down by just being a server for this long, but I don’t know how to escape this all.  I am tired of waiting tables, extrememly tired, but what else can i be doing?  I have sent out over a 100 resumes to companies, and I haven’t heard anything back really.  The worst was the other day online.  You see I’ve been applying at Emmis Communications for months, for various jobs, and each time nothing has come of it.  My last application was for an account coordinator.  I’m qualified, I’m motivated to learn, but Emmis just sees me as another recent grad with no previous experience.  They sent my a rejection e-mail.  And on top of that, they sent me 14 other rejection e-mails for the various jobs I have applied for with Emmis.  That’s 15 e-mails all sayign the same thing except for the job title which is changed in each.  15 different jobs that Emmis feels I don’t deserve.  And they told me I dont’ deserve them all at once.  It hurt my feelings.  But then again, I guess it was nice to feel something instead of just stagnant emptiness.  Maybe this is the motivation I needed.  What nerve emmis has to rudly mail those all out simutaniously.  I need to stop letting myself down and start bring myself up.  But i just can’t seem to figure out how.

It’s 3:00 on a Tuesday, I should really be at my job.  My nice cozy office job, with a big window and air conditioning and one of those water dispensers with the crappy cone shaped cups.  I’d call Mr.Smith and Mr.Miller about their accounts with us, wish them and their families a great day and then go to a golf outing.  Sadly I don’t have a cool easy job like that.  I barely even have a job.  I feel more like a slave, or a prostitute.  An Uno’s Chicago Grill Whore who gets screwed all the time by Thin Crust and Deep Dish Pizzas.  My water dispenser is replaced by a sticky pop machine and my big window is now a neon buzzing sign that says “Chicago G ill”.  The R blinks sometimes.  I swear.

Anyhow, I’m sittign at my computer right now eating old pizza.  I mean, this is the second time I’ve reheated this particiular Papa Johns cuisine and I can’t believe how bad it tastes.  but I’m still eating it.  i hope I don’t die from it.  or get even more sick then I already am.  I have the flu.  The crappy version where shit lives in your lungs and randomly flys from your mouth while coughing.  It’s gross.  But hey, I get to work tonight anyway.

That’s right, I picked up a shift so I could work with the hot boy.  unfortunately, as Patrick pointed out the following would not be god.   “hey hottie, maybe later we could….uughhhcoughcouchbleh….oh sorry let me wipe that off your face”  yeah, what a tool I would like then.  Current song playing is High and Dry by Radiohead.  Current annoyance to the max is the fact that X-Men Legends 2 didn’t come out today like it was supposed to. This makes me sad.  Sad, Unemployed (by anyone worht being employed by that is) , Tired and Sick.

Maybes and Differences

Maybe I just got bored
Too much energy an thought was stored
Or maybe I’m on repeat
Destined to claim defeat

And while I won’t lie and say
“This time it’s different”
I will certainly say
I don’t care about the difference

Puckered lips with dark rim glasses
naieve charm that’s like harassment
maybe clueless to the game
maybe I own all the blame

Maybe he’s just being smart
Playing his now assigned part
Maybe it’s all in my head
But that’s ok, cause like I said

I won’t lie and say
“This time it’s different”
I will certainly say
I don’t care about the difference

I understand it won’t go anywhere
And maybe I’ll just go to far
And make him scared
And maybe I can teach him
Something new about the world
Maybe at least help him
With some tips on getting girls

Maybe I’m nerotic, psychotic, idiotic
But maybe I’m hypnotic
Cause he doesn’t seem to mind it
To mind my bold attention
My hyper thought extension
Maybe he’s just being nice
Maybe this time I am right?
Doubtful

I won’t lie and say
“This time it’s different”
I will certainly say
I don’t care about the difference

So I’m sitting in my room drinking Lemonade.  In fact, it’s some of the best lemonade I’ve ever had.  It’s Minute Maid, comes in this big yellow jug.  And I’m thinking to myselves, I am so relaxed right now.  I am chillin’ at my computer, snacks (Icee and Doritoes), music (Oasis – What’s the Story Morning Glory) , new shoes on (Brown Saucony’s) , and my lights on (you know the lights, you love the lights, you miss the lights, don’t deny).  I used to only have a few of my glowing appartuses out, but as I’ve been here at my house longer and longer, I’ve slowly recollected them all from their boxes they were packed away in and placed them amongst my room.  And the feeling of the lights just makes me miss school.  It makes me miss people I used to spend every day with.  Shout out to all of you!  I miss you.