Your only alive for so long, it just makes sense to me that you should spend your time surrounded by the things you enjoy, things that make you glad to be here on earth, things that make you smile. Today, I spent my day on comics. I bought some storage boxes, ventured to three different shops, purchased comics, re-organized my comics, read some comics and then posted on my comic book message board. This was my entire day. I mean, I put a lot of time into my collection today. And it was a blast. I discovered Runaways, this recently created comic book by Brian Vaughn which highlights a team of new teenage heroes trying to cope with their parents. In fact, they realized that their parents are all super-villains, and these kids are stuck with the task of stopping their evil plan. It’s an incredible series with awesome characters, including an 11-year-old girl who can punch through walls, an alien girl, a guy with pyrokenetic gloves, a girl who casts spell with a wand that is bound to her soul and only comes out when she cuts herself and a psychic girl who has a psychic bond with a velociraptor which was brought to the current day with time machine as a gift from her evil parents (The girl is Arsenic, the dino is Old Lace….that is pure awesomeness). Anyway, I love this new discovery because it shows that society is controlling us and we have to take matters into our own hands. It’s an underlying theme of the book which I sincerely agree with.

I was keeping this next blurb secret for a bit, but oh well. I have been obsessed with The Carpenters song “Sing” since I have been home in Indy. I can’t say I am a huge Carpenters fan, but the simplicity of the song knocks me for a loop. The words are “Sing, Sing a song, sing out loud, sing out strong, sing of good things not bad, sing of happy not sad. Sing, sing a song, make it simple to last the whole night long. Don’t worry that it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear, just sing, sing a song. Sing, Sing a song, let the world sing along, sing of what there could be, sing for you and for me. Sing, sing a song, make it simple to last the whole night long. Don’t if it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear, just sing. Sing a song.” Now as someone who has spent countless hours performing concerts along with my favorite CD’s in front of a giant plate glass window that overlooks a forest, well, I’d just have to say this inspires me. I love to sing. It’s just natural. And I know sometimes I suck at singing, but it doesn’t matter, because it’s such a primal force. It’s beautiful.

Led Zeppelin has been making a prominent appearance lately for me. I recently purchased a book about the band written by their road manager. It’s a detailed biography of drugs, rock N roll and love. It’s good so far, but now I have extra homework. My good friend Russell Rue gave me a copy of “Hammer of the Gods – The Led Zeppelin Saga”. Yet another classic book about the band which rocked the world. On top of this, I purchased Led Zeppelin I at a used CD store today. I decided I would rather have each individual CD then have a boxed set, cause I debated for a while, but this just seems more my style, after all, when buying the Runaways comic I didn’t settle for a Graphic Novel (a bound collection of multiple issues). I got individual issues, and I should do the same for Zeppelin. I got a copy of How The West Was Won from Russ along with the book. This excites the shit out of me.

You have to spend time doing stuff you love and with people you love. Which brings me to the point of all of this. I made these things happen. I do what I like to do because it makes me happy. Why would I want to get stuck somewhere I was unhappy? I am going to start working harder on meeting someone who will genuinely make me happy instead of just having pointless crushes on people who are jerks and who don’t care about me anyways. Thank you Led Zeppelin, Runaways and singing for showing me that I don’t need a third grandpa. If you don’t get that, then don’t worry about it. Just look for love and don’t settle for something lame like unrequited crap or drama filled bullshit.

Last but not least, Spring Break ’05 is this Saturday in Muncie. The party will be at a multitude of venues, so expect trashed Adam. I will hopefully arrive on Friday to get the full Muncie-Adam spirit in gear. That’s all for now, so Rock on, Sing a song, and your parents are evil super beings then Runaway and find something that makes you happy cause it’s not worth sitting around in sorrow. Later Xanga-nators.

I’ve been told before that I am overly pessimistic, but it’s really nothing more then my natural defense mechanism. One of the worst feelings in the world is that of disappointment. When you hear about a great party and then arrive to find the keg is dry, when you see shoes you really want but they don’t have your size, when you order food that looked awesome in the menu and then it is served looking like crap, disappointment lurks at every corner, so why expect too much when you can underestimate. It’s so much better to be surprised and over-whelmed when things go intensely well then it is to feel like things just didn’t turn out how they should have. And maybe it’s a childish reaction, things don’t go how I wanted them to too often for me, so now I just berate everything under the sun. It’s possible. Fortunately, I’ve found a way to make my pessimism part of my sparkling personality through comedy and sarcasm. Otherwise I’d just be insane to the point where everything was gloomy and I’d be like “hey guys, I’ve lost my tail again”. So you roll with the punches, you accept the little disappointments and move on, looking forward to those events you know will turn out well. But sometimes the disappointment is too great. Sometimes, actions of others or mere chance can royally upset, depress, annoy, infuriate and bewilder you. So what do you do when you feel supremely disappointed by someone? Do you tell them? Do you ignore it and let it slide? I guess it just depends on the situation. Me? I usually ignore being let down, I try to remember, but when it comes to my friends, I almost always come through, or so I’d like to think. Maybe I am a disappointment to them? Maybe I am just expecting too much. Maybe this Xanga is beating a dead Shetland and coming up with no answers other then that’s life. In other news, I purchased the DC Comics Encyclopedia today. I should have been a Batman Villain.

So we got someone else’s mail yesterday, or at least their latest issue of Time magazine.  The cover story inticed me, and while I usually don’t read Time, today I did.  “Meet the Twixters, young adults who live off their parents, bounce from job to job and hop from mate to mate.  They’re not lazy, they just won’t grow up.”  That’s what the cover says.  It’s an entire article about why people ages 18 – 30 have difficulty transitioning into adulthood.  I thought it was just me.  The article covered a variety of bases, such as pop culture.  We were raised with shows like “Friends” where 6 people hung out all the time, were not married and rarely were shown with financial problems.  We want that for ourselves.  The article also discusses the economy.  Back in the late 70s and early 80s, students got Grants to go to college.  Now, no one gives out grants, but they let us borrow money which we have to pay back after school.  This financial burden keeps us from becoming adults.  It holds us back and doesn’t allow us to become financially independent.  We also see the mentioning of Love.  yes Love.  Our new generation is extremely sarcastic and critical.  We don’t believe in a lot of things our parents did.  What we do believe in is finding the right stuff.  We want to find what we want, and not waste time getting stuck in a life that we will hate.  This new 10 year period from 18 – 28 is descirbed as a chance for us to become US.  We are taking time to establish our own identities.  Fortunately, this Twixter phenomenon isn’t just in the United States, it’s documented all around the world that yound people aren’t growing up.  Society won’t let us.  We aren’t welcome into the working world because it’s crowded already, we aren’t given out share of the economical pie because people just want to take from us and put us in debt with credit cards.  We are the prime demographic.  Worse yet, we were taught that college was VERY important.  That out degrees would save us.  Now there is an oversaturation of college grds, and having a degree isn’t really worth much anymore, and definately not worth as much as we pay for them.  Last but not least (and i am sure i am missing other points) the article discusses how the brains in our generation don’t finish growing as early as our predecessor’s brains did.  We literally aren’t capable of settling down and figuring ourselves out at the age of 20.  We don’t have the capacity.  We are still changing.  Evolution is causing the human brain to be stronger and grow more, making us smarter and therefore, causing the Twixters to need more time to become the adults we are pressured into being.  Interesting if nothing else, and made me feel better at living at home.  Do I like this cause it makes me feel like have an excuse?  maybe, but in reality, I think it’s just makes me feel like I am not the only college grad who feels like he is still in high school.

She walked up to the lane, took a breath, swung back the ball, walked foward, then fell right on her fat face.  That bitch.  First of all, her shirt was a barf collage consisting of horizontal stripes (made her look fat) that were all the wrong colors.  Second, she had bowled her ass off the previous game pissing me off and making me glad she busted ass this time.  She fell over the foul line, landed about half way down the lane and slid the rest.  slut.  anyway, she got 9 pins still, she walked back and my team was like “nope, she gets nothing for falling over the foul line”.  Her team was like “should you reset that score to zero?”  She was like “It didn’t beep, i guess it counts.”  Anyway, she got a spare total, and then a strike the next time, so that’s 30 points toward her teams score.  My team was pissed.  This cheating slut just upped her game and almost caused us to loose.  Until my last frame.  I was playing off a strike, got a strike, then got a spare.  That’s right, final score for my team was 58 which means we kicked their ass.  Sluts.  Anyhow, then I drank beer with a one armed guy and this chick who likes me, but she has a kid, and she’s a chick.  weird.  I arrived home and my Dad asked me to go pick up White Castles.  I drove his car, but got stuck in the drive way.  His expertice was called upon to get it unstuck, which was funny cause he went outside in his whity tightys and mochassins to move his car.  My dad is nuts.  Anyway, I got the food, came home, dropped my parents food off in their room and headed to the kitchen to eat mine.  Dad yells, “aren’t you gonna eat your White Castles on the bed with us like you did when you were little?”  I said “I am 22, that’s kind of creepy.”  But then I laughed and joined them for a family White Castle snack.  That was my evening. 

        So being at home is really just not working out for me.  I mean, it’s great that I don’t have to pay rent or buy my own food or beer and stuff, but it’s just boring as hell.  I never really considered myself to be a “social butterfly” but then again, at Ball State I always had something going on.  Maybe the solution to my problem is to stop looking back so much.  I mean, school was fun and all, but is there more around me then I am giving credit?  I’ve still yet to call my old best friend Megan.  She has a baby now, and I don’t know what’s going on with her at all.  I sort of just dumped her I guess and stopped talking to her.  Not very nice of me.  I think the whole baby thing just scares me a little bit.  Then again, I’m sure I have scared her a few times too.  I don’t know what to do with this one.  I should really be spending more time with Amber, my sister, but I don’t know what she likes to do.  All in all, nothing has really changed here.  I am definately still looking for a job, it’s horrible.  My newest idea is to kill the guy who owns the Muncie comic book store and start running it.  Maybe I should just open a comic book store?  I need a financial partner.  I also need a romantic partner.  As I told Patrick earlier, I should really just donate my balls to science cause I sure as hell am not using them.  It’s pathetic.  Well, one day maybe I’ll get a life.  I sure do miss everyone and you are all more then welcome to come visit whenever.  My Graduation Party should be a blast.  i can’t wait.  later dudes.

Gone From You

and the time I spent
trying to explain it
it was wasted just like I am
almost every night
I don’t think you know
just how far I would go
to escape this damn fixation
and forget you tonight
and your eyes burn cold when I look at you
cause you know that I’m thinking what you don’t want me to
and I swear, and I swear, and over again that I’m sorry

Chorus: And now I’m gone from you
 so you don’t have to worry anymore
 but you know, forget that moment
 cause I finally feel like I’m not ignored
 I won’t apologize
 for feeling something for another guy
 and I don’t have any regrets
 And now I’m gone from you
 I guess we’ll both just try to forget

and the way it seemed
there was between
but maybe that was my head
just not thinking right
I know we were friends
who needed each other when
they wanted to get wasted
almost every night
but when we’d calm down and explain the truth
well you know I always wanted just to stop and kiss you
and I’d swear and I’d swear and I’d swear over again that I’m sorry

Chorus

and you know I’m smarter then the world would give me credit for
so just be rationale I must have known before
that you’d never want me, that I’d never have you
what did you think I was planning for?

Chorus

It’s hard to say how I feel about my current situation.  On one hand, I have no responsibility right now, except to find a job and start my life of being responsible for EVERYTHING.  It’s the total brink of the edge, and while most people would probably be excited about moving on to that next phase of life, I have always been that kid who dips his toe in the pool several times before jumping in.  What I do know is that I don’t mind my parents, they don’t bother me, and living at home isn’t the end of the world, it’s just boring.  I mean, what do I do?  I don’t have many friends around the Indy anymore so I guess I just find this damn job and move on huh?  But what then?  I go elsewhere where I won’t know anyone either.  I just feel like no matter where I go I have to go alone, and that’s the one thing I have never been able to do in life.  Be alone.

In the words of the mystical Magic 8 Ball, I can
not predict now…..

What’s your Karmic Zodiac Sign?
brought to you by Quizilla

What the fuck does that mean?  I take a Karma Zodiac quiz and it says it cannot predict?  wow, my rage against the world just increased.

The disassembling continued this afternoon, I moved on to phase two – CD’s and CD covers.  It didn’t take long, I didn’t have many displayed.  Almost Famous Soundtrack, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, Jet, Queen, two Green Day albums and all the Barenaked Ladies CD inserts.  I listen to a vast array of of stuff you could say.  Phase three commenced immediatly.  All n on-three dimensional items left (aside posters).  Over Power cards (like Magic the Gathering, only with the X-Men), a Code Adam sticker, a Shetland Pony tribute by Melanie, old photo of me, old photo of my friend Pauline, and two postcards were among the wreckage.  I truely valued the artisitic stuff I had up though.  a Be Nicer To Nerds flyer reading “In four years, 87% of the kids we called nerds in high school will have a salary twice ours.  The other 13% will have murdered someone.  Lets be nicer to our nerds.”  Also came down a copy of the Cheshire song I wrote, it’s been posted before, and one of my first poems, it’s been posted before too.  But the key element, the one I really want you to check out, is this.

THE STUPID JERK I’M OBSESSED WITH

THE STUPID JERK I’M OBSESSED WITH
Stands so close
I can feel his breath on my neck
And smell the way he would smell
If we slept together
Because he is THE STUPID JERK I’M OBSESSED WITH
And that is his primary function in life
To be A STUPID JERK I CAN OBSESS OVER
And to talk to that dingy bimbo blonde
As if he really wanted to hear about her
Manicure and pedicures and New Age Ritualistic Enema Cures
And, truth be told, he probably does want to hear about it
Because he is
THE STUPID JERK I’M OBSESSED WITH
And he does anything he can to lend fuel to my fire
He makes a point
Of standing, looking over my shoulder
When I’m talking to the guy who adores me
And I would bark like a dog and wave to strangers
If he asked me to bark like a dog and wave to strangers
But he won’t ask me to bark like a dog or impersonate
Any kind of animal at all
Cause I’m too busy
Looking at the way
THE STUPID JERK I’M OBSESSED WITH
Has pants on
That perfectly define his well-shaped ass
To the point where I’m thoroughly frantic,
I’m just gonna go home
Stick my head in the oven
Overdose on nutmeg and aspirin or sit in the bathtub
Reading The Excutioner’s Song
And being completely confounded by the fact that I can see
THE STUPID JERK I’M OBSESSED WITH’S face
Defining itself in the peeling plaster of the wall
Grinning
And winking
And then I start yelling: “Hey, get the hell out of there,
You’re just a figment of my overripe imagination,
Get a life and get out of my plaster and pass me
The next painful situation please.”
But he just keeps on
Grinning
And winking
He’s THE STUPID JERK I’M OBSESSED WITH
And he’s mine
In my plaster
and frankly,
I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER.

Now I don’t know who wrote this, but thank you.  It’s exactly how I always feel.  And it makes me think that maybe I am not as crazy as I thought.

I Wasn’t Next To You

Don’t slow things down or you’ll taste it
and mixed with champagne you will waste it
though vodka’s not a rare commodity
it’s just makes sense to hold on
Cause the goal is quite simplistic
to loose all things that are realistic
though sanity’s a rare commodity
I’m always trying to hang on
and it’s almost time, so I’ve got to find, an imitation, a familiar kind
and it’s almost time, but I’m running behind, and I just don’t have a clue

CHORUS: and it’s all because I wasn’t next to you
 when the clocked ticked on it just proved
 that I’m trying and trying, but I loose
 nothings gonna change,  it all remains the same
 the moment is gone, no memory remains
 and there’s nothing I can do
 and it’s all because I wasn’t next to you

Watching the moment in slow motion
you see each player in commotion
though lips are not a rare commodity
I just can’t give in to what’s wrong
It’s all inside, it’s how I’m feeling
Lip locking isn’t that appealing
your presence is a rare commodity
so I think I’ll just move on
and it’s almost time, so I’ve got to find, an imitation, a familiar kind
and it’s almost time, but I’m running behind, and I just don’t have a clue

CHORUS

I know once tomorrow comes
this ritual will seem so dumb
but it’s now that I’m concerned
with feeling like it was my turn
but instead it’s my reflection
drinking champagne, in inspection
what it means to be alone and drinking booze
and it’s all because I wasn’t next to you
and it’s all because I wasn’t nest to you
and it’s almost time, so I’ve got to find, an imitation, a familiar kind
and it’s almost time, but I’m running behind, and I just don’t have a clue

CHORUS