So i noticed that the majority of my posts have been songs and what not lately.  Sorry to be so impersonal.  it’s just been a hectic time for me.  I’ve started another job, been looking for a better job, i’m considering moving, and I’m closing a relationship.  That’s a lot to do in a month, but it’s all on my plate.  And none of it’s going well.  At all.  My current job at Uno’s is getting tiresome and almost insulting.  My new job at Big Daddies, while providing me with lots of extra cash, is drainging me entirely when added to my normal work load.  It’s insane.  It also cuts into some valuable job searching time. 

To add to this lack of hope and energy, Zach is moving back to Michigan.  He was going to school in Indy, so the summer is taking him home and away from me.  It sucks, but what can I do?  He doesn’t even knowi if he’ll be back next year.  Oh well, did someone say roadtrip?   I doubt I’ll be able to drive though, considering my car has an oil leak.  it needs fixing, before i move.  And then if i do move, it seems I will be living far away from my jobs because that’s where everyone else wants to live apparently.  I may have to re-think this.  i can’t spend that much money on gas and put my car through that much driving.  Plus, i hate wasting time in the automobile.  and driving 30 minutes to work everyday is not my idea of a good time.  There are better alternatives.  but i need to move, immediately.

So basically I have plenty of money, but no energy or time to use it.  and I feel like I’m loosing control of my future.  So life sucks pretty much.  boo.

Two Weeks

i should be preparing for a summer where i’m scared to be alive
i should be exploring new solutions to the problems i have left inside
i could never be prepared for life without you being there
and yet i know there’s work that must be done
this could be the breaking of the levee, watch my heart evaporate into the sun.

but i’m having too much fun right now to care about tommorrow
it’s not an accident that i’m ignoring all these parts of me
that one day will rise up and plague my point of view
but right now i can’t concentrate on anything but spending time with you

it’s the truth that i’ve held on for longer than you wanted me to hold
i thought i’d seen it all before but new twists have been brought into this plot so old
i imagine soon i won’t be smiling over you
i’ll just be sitting in a vacant room, feeling all alone
but breathing in your atmosphere is making me so high and making me feel right at home

but i’m having too much fun right now to care about tommorrow
it’s not an accident that i’m ignoring all these parts of me
that one day will rise up and plague my point of view
but right now i can’t concentrate on anything but spending time with you

Please un-fastned this safety belt around my waist
there’s a pleasure hidden deep beneath my heart when it breaks
you can’t blame me for trying, i can’t blame you for lying
so i’ll just let it slide, two more weeks of you and I, then i’ll say goodbye.

but i’m having too much fun right now to care about tommorrow
it’s not an accident that i’m ignoring all these parts of me
that one day will rise up and plague my point of view
but right now i can’t concentrate on anything but spending time with you

you can’t blame me for trying, i can’t blame you for lying
so i’ll just let it slide, two more weeks of you and I, then i’ll say goodbye.

41 days

It’s been 41 days since I started playing these games in my head
It’s been 41 days since you first responded to all of the things that I’ve said
I’ve had 41 eye openings littered with broken dreams all of them featuring you
It’s been 41 days since I started being a fool

I can’t believe that with so many people telling me that I was wrong
That in 41 days I’ve earned the right to sit down and write this song
I have my doubts in this creature called love, but maybe it’s just immature
It’s been 41 days days since I realized nothing’s for sure.

And in 41 days I can’t explain a damn thing that I have learned
Cause in 41 days all my emotions have tumbled and turned around you
I’ve had 41 night where I felt alone, including the ones spent with you
And that’s 41 times where you missed your line, the one where you say “I love you”

This day is so wonderful
For five minutes I think I felt free
I didn’t believe in a miracle ending
Happening for you and me
But moments are fading, and nothings for sure
And I believe day 42, could finally maybe mean
Something that’s good could come out of me loving you.

 

(I can’t decide if it’s a song or a poem.  thoughts?)

 

I’m most comfortable being the villain, the victim or the sidekick.  Never the hero.  That’s too much to ask of me.

   The villain always has an excuse.  He’s been abused, he’s has an alterior motive, he has an altenate view point which makes since, or he’s just delusional and psychotic.  The plans he makes don’t have to work, he can be stopped, because that’s what hero’s do.  He also doesn’t have to care about others.  That’s what makes him nasty, scary, and ultimately dangerous.  They have the best back stories and the most tragic of endings usually.

   The victim is helpless, unintentional.  He doesn’t have to take the blame, it’s the villains fault.  He doesn’t have to save himself, that’s the heroes job.  He may have stumbled into the situation in the first place, but it was all in the name of writing a wrong or solvign a mystery. 

    The sidekick is the best I can manage.  He’ll give the credit to the bigger cheese, but his contribution is still essential.  He ususally has a better costume then the hero, and he usually is more exciting.  The most interesting part about the sidekick is that they sometimes get overlooked by the hero, they gey abused, and become villains themselves.  It happens often.  or they can be th victim, used against the hero.

  The hero, now that’s a whole new story.  Everyone is depending on you.  The victim, your sidekick, even your villain.  It’s too much, and I don’t think I can handle it.

I tried to get drunk tonight, but just got depressed…….

Powder Blue

With each mistake,
You either bend or break
With every word I choose
You only seem to bruise
Powder blue always suited you,
Or was your suitor too
Until you’re powder blue

You’re going off the deep end
I’m going over all the things I’ve gotta say

Apologies from my front door
I couldn’t love you more

The bell was cracked
Your senses sacked
What once seemed civilized, In fear was paralyzed
I made love blind, I lost my mind
And now I’m over you
As I’m not under you

We thought we’d drive forever
Now is it okay if I walk you to your car?

Apologies, from your car floor
I couldn’t love you more
I couldn’t love you more
I couldn’t love you more

Baby between you and me, love is all we need
You held out your heart
So I could watch it bleed
I never thought you could ever fall
Into my life, so banal
But something so light shouldn’t hurt … at all

Apologies, from my front door
I couldn’t love you more
I couldn’t love you more
I couldn’t love you more