Month: October 2006

You

i’ve been branded
i’ve been handed over
to something planted
in my head

on my own now
i can see how
theories run out
and they are not true

and i need to know what you have to say
i want to feel like your right when you say
i have no business each time i say i love you
you

then you left me
i guess i see
it was meant to be
your gone

i will follow
something hollow
liquid sorrows
are instore for me

and i need to know what you have to say
i want to feel like your right when you say
i have no business each time i say i love you
you

prove to me that i am wrong
tell me how I can’t sum up the problems with one stupid song
let me remember who I was before i fell into you
so I can get back to the truth, so i can forget about you

and when you called
left me to crawl
my heart spralled across
the living room floor

your disaster
i was laughter
now it’s after
the fact that it’s me that you hate

and i need to know what you have to say
i want to feel like your right when you say
i have no business each time i say i love you
you

Giggz27: hello sir
Waka BAMM: what’s up
Giggz27: not too much
Giggz27: how are you sir?
Waka BAMM: bored today, but relaxed I guess.  Somewhat frustrated at my inability to produce any good writing.
Giggz27: that does sound frustrating
Giggz27: what are you writing for?
Waka BAMM: presonal growth i suppose, lol
Giggz27: haha
Waka BAMM: no reason, just tryign to write
Giggz27: just for you
Waka BAMM: seeing what i can come up with
Giggz27: yeah, it makes sense
Giggz27: do you wanna write a story or just poems and stuff
Giggz27: or whatever it is that will come out?
Waka BAMM: i find writing works best with no limits.  anythign you write can be fitted into a bigger piece later, and some things make stronger statements on their own
Waka BAMM: i wasn’t tryign to be lyrical though, if that’s what you mean
Giggz27: i think that was a good explanation
Giggz27: hm…what’s that like?  to sit around with the express purpose of trying to write something?
Waka BAMM: it’s like reading someone’s mind, only it’s yours, and your grasping to find connections, cause and effect, your trying increasingly harder to sort out a metaphor, a purpose for why things are the way they are.  and then you write when it all connects.  it hits, some link falls, like a drwbridge and you see the link.  you make it mean something by going into indepth detail or giving your reader somethign to relate to universally
Giggz27: interesting
Giggz27: do you ever just write it down before it connects… write out the pieces on their own before they become the drawbridge?
Waka BAMM: sure
Waka BAMM: free writing is amazing to work with
Giggz27: interestign….

       It’s not a big deal, but something that I think about every once in a while.  My mother came into Big Daddies as I was switching out drawers with Paula (my relief bartender) yesterday evening.  I paid for her two beers, I ordered one of my own.  It was this new Micro-Brew called Cider Jack.  I just wanted to try it for merchandising purposes.  I need to be the best bartender I can be after-all.  It was a great choice actually, and it reminded me of my old affection for Apple Juice.  Anyhow, my mother asked me how things were and I told her great.  That was a lie.  I went on to talk abotut he new Zeppelin curtain/tapestry thing I am getting fo rmy room, I told about Patrick’s new part-time job, I told her about my friend Amanda’s continuing relationship with an older man and that was about it.  She proceeded to tell me bits and pieces of a story about how my Dad announced outloud in front of people at the bar the previous evening that he was her savior and she would be no where without her.  She of course retaliated saying she was in fact, the best that had happened to him and that if not for her he’d be a loser like the rest of his family. 

      Now this is where the not so big of a deal thing comes in.  See this fight was something very close and personal to my mother.  She had a lot of emotion behind it and she shared it with me like it was nothing but some little gossip tale.  She reached out to me in a way I guess, wanted to let me in to be part of her life.  I on the other hand agreed with her and then ran out of stories I could tell her about other people.  I told her stories about other people and inanimate objects all night.  I guess, I just can’t tell her my own stories.  I can’t connect with her that way because god knows why.  Maybe I am embarassed, maybe I am bored with my stories.  I don’t know.  I’ve become increasingly desperate for male attention lately, I could share that with her.  I could tell her that I have a drinking problem, she could relate.  I could tell her that when it comes down to it I am more alone then I have ever been. 

        I am such a broken mess.  and i wish I could just tell her that.  but I can’t.  I am the strong one who never needs anyone.  All I’ve ever needed was apple juice and comics.

“Other Side Of The World”
by K T Tunstall


Over the sea and far away
She’s waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she’s cold inside
She wants to be like the water

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They’re one and the same
Just like water

The fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it’s to hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You’re close enough to see that
You’re the other side of the world to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

The fire fades away

Can you help me
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can’t see me anymore

The fire fades away