trick question

it took me 6 years just to say hello to my reflection
and after 6 years I say goodbye to your deception
cause now I’m trusting on my own
I’ll find a way to feel at home
living with a past that has 6 years I gave away

I’m seeing now that you’re a trick question
a regression, to never knowing what I need
you’re a trick question without suggestion
of what’s to be or what should never be

and now in 6 years will I still remember all my lies
because in 6 years I have a feeling it will be that time
for me to have to trust you again
I’ll have to re-hash all the what-have-beens
giving up the past 6 years of healing all my sins

I’m seeing now that you’re a trick question
a regression, to never knowing what I need
you’re a trick question without suggestion
of what’s to be or what should never be

and inspiration is the strangest thing of all
convincing years of build up just to come unclogged
a movie told me I am happy to be sad
cause it’s easier then wanting something which I used to have

I’m seeing now that you’re a trick question
a regression, to never knowing what I need
you’re a trick question without suggestion
of what’s to be or what should never be

it took me 6 years just to find my way around
and in 6 years we can tear everything down

I just dove off the diving board
and landed in some liquid
it’s hardly water, smooth and warm
instead it’s thick and I am cold
I swore I’d never loose my hopes
but now it seems my faith has chocked
do you escape this pain
or just embrace it again and again and again

there is a future buts it’s certainly not in front of me
there is a secret but the whispering is something I don’t hear
I try to think of times when I knew what was going on
I try to dream of dreams I had before I couldn’t move along
But it’s empty where I swear there was a road
can you tell me just where tomorrow goes

I’m in a stasis, I am frozen solid
just like a little bug in amber
I know there is a simple trick
to free myself from burning embers
If you see me floating in my passion
throw a rope to give me direction
and if you happened to have a paddle
could I borrow it to get back on my saddle

there is a future buts it’s certainly not in front of me
there is a secret but the whispering is not something I don’t hear
I try to think of times when I knew what was going on
I try to dream of dreams I had before I couldn’t move along
But it’s empty where I swear there was a road
can you tell me just where tomorrow goes

Not thinking at all,
makes my life seem small
but my thoughts seem far
to big for my head
not taking the fall
is having it’s toll
maybe I could learn
to fight instead

do you believe in a second chance

do you think that circumstance can make

the perfect dream become something so obscene

Is it possible to try again and have a different end

do you believe in a second chance

    well, once agian I am tryign to write something here, but I still feel like my life is on hiatus.  Waiting table?  me?  It’s such a horrible thought.  Why can’t I get hired on some where?  I didn’t anticipate finding employment to be this difficult.  I’m not depressed, just repressed, it’s like I have no feelings cause I don’t want to waste any time thinking about how lame my life is right now.  I am not happy or sad, i’m just here, trying to pay off some bills and get a job.  Then what?  What happens when I do that?  Nothing excites me anymore.  I don’t look foward to much.  I don’t know what I’m living for I guess, aside myself, and maybe that’s a problem.  I’ve always been somewhat self-centered I guess, except when it comes to my friends, I try to be the best for them. 

    I have to tell everyone that my comic collection is becoming quite awesome now.  I have gone through and dusted off some old issues, re-read tons of stuff, and I am just waiting for Marvel to pick up my resume and get a KLU?  Did I say KLU?  yep, I also am tryign to get hired at WKLU, 101.9.  It’s a radio station in Indy that rocks and I know I’d be a perferct fit there.  I also have a copywriting position in Bloomington I am workign on landing, but who knows.  Maybe Aubs has the right idea?  Or maybe she flet how I did and she’s running.  Is running going to change anything for me?  Or would my feelings of nothinginess go with me to some other state?

    Well, I’ll stop, cause this isn’t much of a Xanga, I have done some songs lately, but I don’t feel they’re god to post publicly.  I miss my friends.  I miss the old days.  Maybe that’s my problem, I am leaning to much on the past?